Where I can Say
by beaucoup riant
Summary: Relena is married to a guy who every girl would die for. Except he threatens to destroy the world she's been trying so hard to keep. What's a girl got to do when she's trying not to fall in love, but failing? 1xR
1. MarriageI hate the sound of that

Where I can Say  
  
By: Blackak Bounti  
  
Author's note: It's pretty much a long story and I got inspired by movies and other stories I read. But know that A Locket Song is going to be finished, just not right now. I mean I'm still waiting for more reviews. And I hope you like this story so please review! Also this title is mine.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, just this plot and the title.  
  
****  
  
Where I can Say  
  
By: Blackak Bounti  
  
Full Summary: Relena has the guy that 'every girl would die for', but she soon realizes that the guy they want is someone who's destroying her world. Something she doesn't need to be dumped onto her shoulders when she met her betrayal.  
  
I can't say much about my childhood seeing as how it was just like any others, but I have face more deaths in my childhood. When I was seven my mom passed away on the attack on the Twin Towers, my brother left the week after, that left me and my dad. We lived in a house on a busy street, I loved it a lot. However I didn't get a happy ending. My dad died when I was sixteen on my birthday, the same day that the attack was and when my mom died. So after that I lived with my parent's best friends, the Dorlins. They were my guardians and when I felt like my world was falling apart, I got a night job by a club as a bouncer. They liked me because I could really tell who was supposed to be in and who wasn't. That's when I met them.  
  
My friends. They were my age and faced the same things; they went to my school and everything. They lifted my world up. We formed a band together. And two couples met. We were good and we played at the club I worked at, giving me more money so I could go to college. We took a few tours and sent out about three albums. We weren't really the best but our fans liked us because we had a way of making their days better and expressing their emotions well.  
  
Now while I hook up my mic. I remember my past. I'm now twenty-one and a half, the same year where I got out of college. My friends had yet to arrive. I was always the first one here.  
  
"Hey, Relena!" Bob said as he entered with his wife Sara. Bob was the drummer while Sara was the keyboard player. They were high school sweethearts and when they got out of college, married. I smiled in greeting.  
  
"What's up, my girl!" Mike said, entering with his wife, Lily, also. Everyone in the band was married expect for me, not that I minded. I liked seeing my friends happy but at the same time having them with me. I smiled and did our little handshake.  
  
Their dreams were already fulfilled and I had yet to have mine's to come. My dreams were as simple as any other. I wanted to sing in Fleet Center when I'm twenty-two, on my birthday. The same date as both of my parent's deaths and my guardians, as well as the same date where my parents first met. I wanted to sing in the Fleet Center when I'm twenty-two with a big huge crowd because it where and when my parent's first met. It was also the date of my birth many of my loved ones deaths, and when America changed forever.  
  
I didn't regret anything I did back than or the deaths that came to me. Because it taught me lessons that others don't until later on. I learned them all with each and every death I faced on my birthday. And I smiled remembering the fact that my birthday was coming in 5 months. It was now April. Suddenly just as we started the beat of the music, a loud phone ring poured into the air and cut off our music. We stopped playing and Sara jumped down from the platform.  
  
"I'll get it!" She told us as she jogged over to our mixing studio and picking it up. We glanced at each other before tuning up things and fixing this and that.  
  
"Relena, it's for you!" Sara shouted. I rolled my eyes, wondering who it could be.  
  
"Hello?" I whispered onto the phone.  
  
"Hey, Relena!" I smiled. It was Mrs. Sun, she was my dad's oldest sister. She took care of things when I couldn't. She was also my lawyer.  
  
"Hi, Aunt Sun." I said, plotting down onto a chair nearby.  
  
"Hey, Relena, are we practicing or what?"  
  
"Um..hold on!" I told them back  
  
"Hey, Aunt Sun can you please tell me now before my friends totally get annoyed?"  
  
"Sure, well I need you to come to the office in two hours. No expectations. There's something I have to tell you."  
  
"Couldn't you tell me now so I don't have to waste my friend's time on getting here?"  
  
"No, I think it'll give you the big picture if you do come."  
  
"Um, okay. Well I guess I can have practice to an end and give my one hour shift at the very least."  
  
We hung up and I sighed. I told my friends and they smiled at me telling me they knew it from the beginning. I stayed a while, mixing our songs to make it a bit better before I ran off to the bathroom and changed into my bouncer outfit.  
  
I ran through the door an hour later, panting. "I'm sorry, I'm late. This.girl wouldn't let go of the fact that she was underage to get into the club."  
  
I looked up, wiping some sweat from my brow. I was dressed in all black, the dress ending at my thigh with black boots that stopped at my ankle. It was the only dress I wore my entire life every since I got the job.  
  
"Okay can we get on with it, if I leave Sam there for more than an hour, he'll have let a ten year old in the club."  
  
Mrs. Sun nodded, smiling when I plotted down onto a chair in front of her desk.  
  
"I think that he can say it, don't you dear?"  
  
I glanced at whom she was talking to, it was only her husband. Her husband was also another lawyer, however in a different company. I didn't like him much seeing as how I don't know him at all. All I know is his name and that's all.  
  
"You're marrying me." The new voice seemed to be like a knife cutting through a thick cake. His voice sounded rich and deep. Somehow I felt like I was a black girl, dressed all bad like in a formal party. I turned my head and saw that it was.  
  
"The man that every girl would die for" was there. Sitting down wearing a suit. His boyish bangs flopping over his forehead, its chocolate color framed those beautiful Prussian eyes of his. Inside they churned like the sea.  
  
"Relena, meet."  
  
She was cut off with my two harsh words. "Heero Yuy." I didn't take my eyes off of him. "I know him." I spat. "So what's the whole deal with the marriage."  
  
"As I've said over the phone. It'll be presented to you." Mrs. Sun said to me. I covered my annoyance and my anger with an emotionless mask as I was handed a folder and with a gesture I opened it. I could sense the tension and the suspense in the air. Everyone awaiting my reaction. Out of the corner of my eye, I could feel and see Heero being the only calm one. As if he knew my reaction. I read the letter in my father's handwriting and stared longingly at the signature was both my parents. I slammed down the folder onto the desk angrily.  
  
What the fuck was this? I'm arrange to this bastard for the rest of my life because of a damn deal?  
  
You see in the letter it said that my father had made this huge foolish bet, where he bet millions of dollars. And when he knew that my mother was pregnant with a girl, he told Heero's father, Jay, that if he didn't pay the money before the next five years, that his son may have MY hand in marriage. Did I not have a say in my life anymore?  
  
Actually I didn't. The only say I had was with the band. Nothing else. I couldn't object when my brother left and I couldn't object being taken in by the Dorlins. I could not object with what my job had requested of me in order to pay the college bills.  
  
I didn't have a say in my life, it was as if the people in the world ruled it for me, I was just the doll to do the orders.  
  
I released a shaky breath, ducking my head so no one would see what ran in my eyes. I could feel my fists clenching the paper and ruining it. I snapped my head back the moment I felt my mask slipping on.  
  
"Fine." I hissed. We were married right than and there. We signed the papers and I left.  
  
I couldn't bear it anymore when I got back home. I slammed the door, feeling tears trickle down. I hated the fact that people ran my life for me as if I was a child still who couldn't make my own decisions. I knew that I'd be getting a phone call later with Mrs. Sun lecturing me about my behavior and what was expected of me from my husband.  
  
I hated it. I hate it all. I pounced on my bed, staring at the picture of my broken family. My mom who was larger than life with her honey gold hair spun into curls and piled onto her head. A soft smile on her face. My father when he was still young and strong with his platinum blonde hair and light blue eyes. My father had always told me after my mom died, that I looked like her only more angelic. I didn't know back than because I never saw myself as an angel, I saw myself as a child whose been cornered in the darkest corner of life.  
  
I felt like talking to Bob, but than I remembered that he was already on the plane out to Hong Kong with Sara to visit his family like he did every year. And I knew I could talk with Lily or Mike because they were out of state too. They were in California to visit their family. So I went to the one place I could. My parent's graves. I sat down next to it, feeling the summer breeze flow through my hair. It soothed me a little but didn't help stomp down on my anger. I talked to the graves as if it was the only way I could get over this. Two hours later when I returned back home the phone rang and I picked it up.  
  
"Hello." I stated knowing who had called. I was right. It was Mrs. Sun.  
  
"Relena!" And the lecture began. I sat down on the floor, listening but yet at the same time trying to hide the fact that I wanted to curse and snap at her for ruining my life for having more of say in my life than me but I managed to hold it in.  
  
But I snapped when she told me that last thing on her mind. "Heero Yuy wants you to move in with him and quit all of you're jobs."  
  
And that's when I did it. I said, "Screw you and screw him!" Before slamming the phone down. I felt like tearing my entire house down but thought better of it. I didn't feel much like driving to the studio where I can sing and work to let out my boiling anger out. I felt like the world was against me and I felt like the people's saying was overpowering mine's.  
  
My hope was always to be in the band forever and get my dream come true. But now I had to leave the band! The one good thing and the only thing I had a say in. I phoned my friends without much of a heart and without even the slightest hint of an explanation but I did give them my new address in case they wanted to see me. But I knew that I didn't want them to come and they got the hint too. The next day I quit my job at the club and packed things. I didn't sell the house, I knew that one day I was going to run away here and stay here. It was now my sanctuary.  
  
A limo came and picked me up at Mrs. Sun's office, I didn't want them to know my new sanctuary. The mansion that Heero lived in was two hours away from where it picked me up and I stared out the window.  
  
I felt low. I felt like dirt and I felt like I need to peel my skin to rid of the dirty way I felt. When we got to the mansion I watched silently as Pagan the butler bring my things in. I offered to help him but he said it was his job to do so. When I stepped completely into the mansion and felt the door close behind me I knew that my old life was now gone.  
  
The mansion consisted of bright cream white colors and dark blue. It blended beautifully well and the living room was nice but I felt like it needed dark red. But I didn't say anything. Heero was there sitting on one of the couches. I stood there by the doorway, not moving or saying anything. He glanced at me and gestured me to sit down. I didn't move from my spot. So he just had to make me feel even more uncomfortable by standing up next to me.  
  
He was tall and I could feel his body heat flowing to mine's. And I walked away. I walked quietly up the stairs and I asked a maid to show me to my room. She lead me down a hall and stopped in front of these beautiful two doors. They looked like doors that lead to a huge ballroom. I opened it and I looked around. Dark blue like the midnight skies was everything in the room. I walked in and closed the door behind me. I looked around. It was nice but nevertheless home. My feet glided against the blue marble and I sat lightly down onto the bed. I fingered the blue comforter and sighed.  
  
There were books on a small shelf and I felt myself looking for my favorite book that my father use to read me because it was my mother's favorite book. And it became mine's too. Love's Labors Lost. I smiled as I pulled the blue book out from the shelf and sat down onto one of the couches and read it. But before I pulled away, I noticed the shelf also held one of my other favorite books. A Walk to Remember. I smiled softly and walked away. Maybe I can spend my time reading.  
  
But I knew it wouldn't last long. I could always sneak out and work or I can always help around. I knew that I haven't been long without my job(s) but I missed it a hell lot now. I was more happy back than but I knew I couldn't change anything. I opened the first page and started to read.  
  
When I finished the sixth chapter, I saw that it was raining out. I remembered when I was seven that my brother would come looking for me. Because every time when it was going to be a day where it rained, I was always outside on the swings. My brother would always come looking for me in the rain where we would hug each other to keep ourselves warm in the wet rain and plowed home. My mother and father would cry and hug both of us before telling us to redress and sit by the fire with them so my mother could read us a story.  
  
Back than was when I really was happy. Where I had no worries. But when my first death came, I faced life. Where it wasn't where a princess would be rescued by a prince from far away. It was more like a princess and prince would seem to fall in love and do this and that before breaking apart. Or one of them would die.  
  
I slipped my eyes to a close and felt my book fall. I listened to the soft music of the rain pounding against the glass of the window and fell asleep. The last thing I heard was the door opening and closing, singling someone new came in.  
  
TBC..  
  
Author's Notes: Okay press the button and review. No flames please. I know this story does sound like Tabloid a little but it's really not. Trust me. 


	2. Goodbye to You: A Piece Falls

Where I can Say  
  
By: Blackak Bounti  
  
Author's note: I'm sorry if I hadn't updated in a while but I hope this chapter makes up for that. And thank you so much for the really great reviews. ;) I wanted to give Heero a nice father and all. I think he deserves it. BTW.every few chapters, it's done by Relena's POV or Heero's. This chapter is Relena's POV.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, just this plot and the title.  
  
****  
  
Where I can Say  
  
By: Blackak Bounti  
  
Full Summary: Relena has the guy that 'every girl would die for', but she soon realizes that the guy they want is someone who's destroying her world. Something she doesn't need to be dumped onto her shoulders when she met her betrayal.  
  
**  
  
Chapter 2-  
  
I woke up with something pressing against my cheek and I snapped up. I blinked and rubbed the clouds of sleep out of my eyes.  
  
"What the hell?" I mumbled and suddenly I saw someone sitting across from me on the matching armchair. He had a smirk playing on his lips and his boyish bangs flopped over his forehead, framing his eyes. His button down cotton shirt was buttoned all the way down to reveal smooth skin with muscles that rippled with every breath he took. Plain jeans and I thought he looked like some one normal.  
  
He made me think of things I didn't want to.  
  
Damn. why me? I mean what did I do to actually get married to this guy? I heard that he use to have this fiancé named Sylvia Noventa. She was a singer who wasn't that big in the US, only in France. She was pretty well known here but not as well known as her past group called the Reford.  
  
Now the group I USE to be in is also pretty well known here but you know. The Gundams.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked him with a glare and a scowl.  
  
Yeah I'm still pissed about it all, so what? Can you blame me I mean this.guy took away the one thing that mattered to me, my band. My house and just the fact that he brought the whole marriage thing to the surface was enough of a reason for me to hate him.  
  
"Everyone wants to meet you at dinner."  
  
"Well I didn't sign myself up to be served on a platter for dinner." I said harshly. Heero stood up and strode over to me.  
  
He grabbed my chin roughly and smirked. His face inches away from mine's. I swear to god if he kissed me I would make sure he's out of the window in two seconds flat.  
  
"Well you don't have much of a choice, Relena. I don't break my promises and I expect you to be the good wife everyone says you are." He told me.  
  
I scowled and gripped his wrist. I pulled his hands off of my chin roughly. "If you need a babysitter than you got the wrong girl."  
  
He chuckled and I had half the mind to stuff something down his throat to make sure he never even laughed at me again. I was pissed off as it was and I don't think he wanted to be my victim.  
  
Already I missed my bouncer job back at Sissy K's. At least than, it was in my job description that I got to throw a guy over my head if he was breaking the rules of the club or the law. At least than I had something to take my built up anger with when I'm not singing.  
  
He took both of those things away from me and now I'm going to dig deep to find something to do that.  
  
Talking has never been my big point, never will too.  
  
"Fine." I whispered huskily. I walked out the door before he could and that's when I remembered who was the "everyone" he was talking about.  
  
I found out a minute later when Heero came up behind me. An elderly man sat at the head of the dining table and a couple. There was only three people I recognize. I was guessing that the old man was Heero's father and my father- in- law, Mrs. Sung and than there was Sylvia.  
  
I sat at the empty seat on the right of Mr. Yuy and Heero sat across from me, on the left of his dad.  
  
Sylvia sat next to Heero and I smirked with my head bowed. She was so fake, I could tell. It was in the woman's intuition to know if another girl was fake. She had a boob job, a nose job, everything. How pathetic. And I could tell she dyed her hair dark brown to fit the whole likings of Heero.  
  
I wondered why she was here. I stared at Mrs. Sun and I read her lips as she told me silently. They broke up and Mr. Yuy thought it would be nice to have her here.  
  
How nice it is because I feel like vomiting.  
  
"Heero why not you introduce everyone to her." Mr. Yuy said, his voice reminded me so much of my father that I winced at the stab in my heart.  
  
I thanked the god that no one saw it because I would've been so embarrassed at even guessing what they thought of me.  
  
Heero stood up and told me whom the couple was. The girl, Hilde was his secretary.well one of them who was married to his brother. He mentioned Sylvia who glared at me and I smiled sweetly at her. But inside I was picturing on how I was going to live through the night without getting into a fight with her.  
  
"So I heard you're in a band." Sylvia informed me. I cleared my throat and set down the fork I was holding before. I hadn't even touched my food and I shifted in my seat.  
  
"I was." I corrected her. "The Gundams."  
  
"Oh and what part did you play? The back up dancer?"  
  
I forced a smile, "No. The lead singer and a brass player." I told her. Somehow I knew she wasn't going to let it go.  
  
"So what do you do other than produce music." She asked me, spearing a tomato slice. She was a model when she wasn't singing, I knew that but I knew she wanted to embarrass me in front of Heero's family.  
  
"I work at a club." I told her simply. She smirked but to someone else it was more of a smile.  
  
"As what, a dancer?" She asked me.ever so innocently.  
  
Duo, Heero's half brother choked on his wine. Mr. Yuy set down his glass and glared at his son and flickered his stare between his son's ex-fiancé and me. I glanced at Heero who I could tell was trying very hard not to shout out.  
  
"No. I was actually the security head chef of Sissy K's." I informed her.  
  
The fake model vs. the lucky woman who got the guy. 1 to nothing. I could use to this if I can get a smart fight with her every so often.  
  
Hilde cleared her thoart and stared at me from the other end of the table. She stared at me with her dark cornflower eyes.  
  
"So what kind of songs do you sing?" She asked me.  
  
I shrugged and picked at my food. "Whatever comes to mind. Hip hop and rap most of the time."  
  
"You rap?" Duo asked me. I smiled at him, I liked this couple already and I've only known them for a few minutes.  
  
"So far I've only produced two songs that I actually have to rap on one of the CD's but." I paused. My voice caught in the back of my thoart. Trowa use to be in the band and he was the rapper. But when he left, Mike came in. Not that I didn't like him or anything but I kind of hated him for taking Trowa's spot. "Mike does most of the rapping. He just helps me because he think I'd make a good rapper."  
  
Duo smiled and with a twinkle in his eyes, he nodded.  
  
"So how is your father?" Mr. Yuy asked and I tensed at this.  
  
He didn't know? It was kind of a shock to me. I made a sad smile and looked up at him.  
  
"He's no longer here anymore." I informed him.  
  
"Oh, and what of your brother and mother?"  
  
"Their not here neither." I told him softly.  
  
"So where have you lived all this time?"  
  
"With foster parents." I paused and I could tell that he was going to ask me what happened to them. "They died a year ago."  
  
Silence filled the air and I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed my chair back and asked if I could be excused. I left without waiting for an answer. I almost broke into tears when I reached back to the room.  
  
I released a shaky breath and walked over to my bag. I unzipped the second zipped and took out a notebook and a picture.  
  
The picture was of my broken family. I found it in my father's album. I stared at the necklace my mom had always worn. When she died my father gave it to me but a year later he took it back. I was suppose to have it when I'm twenty two but I don't even know where he placed it.  
  
The notebook was a songbook, filled of my songs that I couldn't sing. I opened to a new page and started writing.  
  
Two hours later I finally brought myself to come downstairs to the living room where everyone else was still there. A familiar song poured out from the radio.  
  
"Of all the things I've believed in  
  
I just want to get it over with  
  
Tears form behind my eyes  
  
But I do not cry  
  
Counting the days that pass me by"  
  
My eyes turned glassy at the words of MY song.  
  
"I've been searching deep down in my soul  
  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old  
  
It feels like I'm starting all over again  
  
The last three years were just pretend  
  
And I said,  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
I still get lost in your eyes  
  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
  
But it's not right"  
  
I leaned against the wall and my back pressed against the cold wall.  
  
"Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
  
I want you  
  
But I'm not giving in this time  
  
Goodbye to you  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
  
You were the one I loved  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
  
And when the stars fall  
  
I will lie awake  
  
You're my shooting star"  
  
The DJ named Matty spoke softly. "And that was Goodbye to You by the Gundams. Now we recently heard that the lead singer whom you just heard, Relena Peacecraft has left the band. Why? No one and not even the members of the band know."  
  
"So if Relena, if you're out there listening, please come back. And don't say goodbye." Another voice whispered over the radio.  
  
I wanted to tell them I would be coming back. But I couldn't. I was married. I sobbed and ran up the stairs silently. Why me?  
  
TBC.  
  
Author's Notes: The song belongs to Michelle Branch. I thought it fit. Review please!" 


	3. Real Emotion: No Such Thing

Where I can Say  
  
BY: Blackak Bounti  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
To: Crazygurl: Yeah I know that it is a lot like Tabloid. But trust me I have things in my mind to make it a whole lot different. But I will tell you this, I got my inspiration from Tabloid. But it's still not the story.  
  
To: wing zero 2: Sure I can! I'm glad you like the story.  
  
Anyhow I'm glad yall like the story. Thank you so much for the sweet reviews. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.  
  
****  
  
Where I Can Say: Chapter 3: Drifting off Relena's POV  
  
I sat there numbly and stared at nothing as I listened to the song flowing from the radio. Last night I figured out that Heero's dad, Odin, lived here too, only for a while though. His brother and wife along with his father would be moving back to the family mansion.  
  
That means I'll be all alone.  
  
With HIM!  
  
Oh shit!  
  
I stared at May who was cleaning around me so not to disturb me. I sighed and started walking upstairs. I noticed a room that caught my attention and I looked inside.  
  
It was a study, filled with tall shelves of books. I stepped inside looking highly around me. I craned my neck to catch glimpse of titles on some of the books and I touched lightly on one of them.  
  
"Do you like it?" A voice said behind me.  
  
"Oh." I dropped my hand and smiled at my father in law sitting at an worn oak desk propped on the other side. I walked over to him. "It's really nice. At least I know I won't be bored." I told him.  
  
He smiled at me before turning back to his work. His family owned a company called Wing Zero, and another company called Endless Waltz. Wing Zero was a company that held stocks and owned a few radio stations that were popular in the state. Endless Waltz was a music producing company.  
  
I should know considering I've always wanted to be in the company called Endless Waltz.  
  
Giving up his work, Mr. Yuy looked at me. "So are you happy with this?"  
  
I couldn't say no because for one thing I had to. My father and him made a deal that if my father couldn't pay a debt back within two years, he'd have my hand in marriage to his son.  
  
So I couldn't say no, I was a fighter. I don't whine about anything. "I'm fine here. But.it lacks emotions in the place."  
  
He chuckled and looked at me. I swore I spotted a twinkle in his eyes as he said it. "Well maybe you can make it all comfortable."  
  
I returned the smile and sat down next to him when he gestured me near. "You know I have something for you." He told me. I gave him a questioning look as he unlocked a draw and held out something.  
  
"It was your mother's necklace that your father had given her on their honeymoon. When your mother died, your father sent me it. Telling me that when you and Heero got married, I would give you this. To say thanks for understanding."  
  
I blinked back hot tears when Mr. Yuy beckoned a maid to hook the necklace around me. I smiled sadly yet gratefully at him. I left him with his work when I spotted someone bringing in more of it.  
  
The hall was quiet and I hated it. It was dark and gloomy, the colors looked like a shadow. I sighed and walked over down a hall to Hilde's room. I paused when I heard something streaming from the door.  
  
A moan. "Harder." A voice whispered huskily.  
  
I froze and jumped back, sweating. I made a disgusted face.  
  
"Harder.more."  
  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I ran. I panted and looked at where I had run from. I ran two halls and I was in the west wing. I looked around and saw a white marble staircase in front of me.  
  
Curiously I walked slowly up the stairs. My slippers tapping softly against the bare marble.  
  
There were two large white marble doors in a spacious hall. I walked over and brushed my fingers against the ivory knobs. I pushed both doors opened and I gasped at what I saw.  
  
A black classic piano was propped on a flat stage. An old microphone and speakers around. It was a ballroom with closets on both ends and windows on the far end behind the stage. Sunlight burst through the glasses and painted the place with a heavenly glow.  
  
The walls were a soft ivory and the flooring was a ice blue marble. I walked in. I finally noticed a black brass guitar. I walked swiftly onto the stage.  
  
My fingers brushed against the keys of the piano and I pressed down on one. The high C note swam around me  
  
Music the very thing that held my world together, my dreams, my world, everything. It was my happiness, my sadness, and the stage of my most painful times and my happiest dream that would still have to be fulfilled.  
  
I smiled softly and looked around. I pricked my fingers along the strings of the guitar.  
  
I smiled and lifted it. I played a few simple keys before drifting it back.  
  
I turned the microphone on and turned on the speakers behind me.  
  
Opening my mouth I spoke it all out. But my friends has always told me that pop music would be better to listen to. Sad music would be nice as a few tracks and I started to sprung up the words.  
  
"What can i do for you What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
I can hear you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you" "Never thought that I would wind up by myself  
  
If I told my wild, imagination But I hear I am finding myself so lost Everyday is a way, for me to turn back All the things I see They are different from What I had imagined they would be Everything is different Now I'm getting dizzy spells Its real emotion, shakin' up the world I'll never give it up I don't ever want to Lose this far No more than I can do  
  
When I am just too wrong And in my heart I can hear you say, That I am not alone. What can I do for you What can I do for you What can I do for you I can hear you What can I do for you What can I do for you What can I do for you Never gotta look back I'm already here  
  
Cause you give me faith  
  
I'm on my own now  
  
If anything happens, unexpectedly  
  
I know you are there, to come and save me What do I do now?  
  
What can I do now?  
  
For the truth that you have made me see All that I can do now Is believe in what I feel It's real emotion, shakin' up the world  
  
I'll be forever blessed, for you to stand by me Then, before" "So many things you tell me  
  
That's why I am here  
  
You give me strength and now I know  
  
That I am not alone What can I do for you  
  
What can I do for you  
  
What can I do for you  
  
What can I do for you  
  
What what what  
  
What can I do for you  
  
What can I do for you I can hear you It's real emotion, shakin' up the world  
  
You're always here with me, so deep in my heart  
  
And I, am there  
  
Beside you when you need me  
  
Since I'm finally strong  
  
Just close your eyes and you'll see me there  
  
Cause you are not alone Its real emotion, shakin' up the world  
  
I'll never give it up I don't ever want to  
  
Lose this far  
  
No more than I can do  
  
When I am just too wrong  
  
And in my heart I can hear you say,  
  
That I am not alone." "What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
I can hear you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you  
  
What can i do for you I can hear you I can hear you"  
  
I laughed joyfully and replaced the microphone back to it's stand. I twirled off the stage and onto the ice blue marble. I closed my eyes and sung the song once more. Dancing to it.  
  
I soon grew tired of dancing and collapsed. I smiled and dropped down on my back. I looked at the ceiling and closed my eyes.  
  
All I could do now was close my eyes and hum the song.  
  
Oh god how I missed singing! But still it was different without my band behind me.  
  
I was drifting off to sweet dreams when I suddenly froze.  
  
Clap Clap Clap  
  
I snapped up, sitting up straight. I relaxed when I saw May sitting there. She was smiling. "You sing really good, Relena." I nodded my thanks and I suddenly frowned when HE appeared behind her. Oh god, oh god!!! Don't tell me he heard me!!! No! He was smirking and after sending May off, he slipped the doors closed. No!!!! He heard me, he heard me! He. Heard. Me! Heero walked over to me, oh boy. I guessed he came back from work considering that he was wearing a suit and all. I swallowed as he walked closer to me. Oh my god?! Is he like.trying to take me right here and all? I mean I've heard that he fucks his girlfriend almost once a week! And I'm his wife!! No, ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! Dirty thoughts entered my mind and I stiffened. "You sing nicely. Where did you learn to do that?"  
  
"I was in a band, remember, baka?"  
  
Heero chuckled and landed beside me, pressing his back against the floor. I edged away from him and turned my back to him. It's obvious that I hated him and I hated the situation. I mean he heard me sing! That's a big deal for me, I mean hello, singing is my way out. And since I've been bottling up all of my emotions I think I have the right to let it all out, right?  
  
I sighed inwardly, forgetting slightly that Heero was in the same room as I am.  
  
I missed my friends, and I missed be part of band. I missed being posted outside of the door of Sissy K's. I really missed my old life and I would do anything to get it back. Finally getting up, I walked back downstairs. Heero stayed behind me and didn't follow which I was grateful for. I needed some time alone. But than again I always needed time alone. Hilde and Duo was finally out of their bedrooms, allowing me to talk to them. Duo smiled cheerfully at me and threw an arm around my shoulder. "Hey, Rel!" I smiled in greeting not in the mood to talk much. "So did Heero tell you about the festival tomorrow?" I blinked rapidly and replied no. I guess I made a big mistake not staying there long enough for him to tell me that. But than again I like it when Duo is telling me instead of Heero. "A festival?" I repeated. Hilde laughed and nodded. "A festival silly. You know wearing a kimono and all that fun stuff. I mean everyone is going to be there and it'll be your first big show to the world that you're Heero's wife." Oh great.that's even worse. My fans would find out if it was broadcasted on TV that me, the ex-member of The Gundams abandoned the band for some marriage. Great.just what I needed.  
  
"I don't have anything to wear." I told them, trying to slip my way out. Hilde patted me on my shoulder and laughed. "Don't worry I'll have May make one. Besides I need a new one too." Hilde told me. I swallowed and let out a nervous laugh. Somehow an image of Heero wearing a kimono slipped into my head. Oh no!!! Get out! I cannot even think about him or anything like that. I mean I hate him!  
  
**** The next week, all three of us went to the mall. Thank god that no one recognized us I mean I was in the spotlight once you know and it's not all that perky as it seems. I watched as may threw piles and piles of material at me. Trying to see which fits. I smiled and told her that I'd pick one. Hilde chose this really nice silky light purple. I had to admit it looked really good on her. I smiled at the thought that she and Duo would have a great time together at the festival later on. After hours of choosing, I'd finally picked one. But when I touched it, I let it down once more. That's the color of the blue dress that I had always wanted to wear, well on my dream concert of course. I walked away quickly and thought back to Sara. She use to fret about what we were all going to wear for a photo shoot and all. I miss her so much. I spotted a dark red with cherry blossoms on it and I thought it was perfect for my outfit. For some reason I couldn't help but note that May had brought 24 yards of it. When we got back to the mansion I informed both Hilde and May that I wanted a short and simple kimono. I've never been big on huge dresses and stuff. Simplicity is my thing, always has been. Hilde smiled at me. "I like you. I mean Heero's past girlfriends would've wanted big expensive and that. But are you sure that you want to show your legs?" I nodded. "It would remind me a lot of my bouncer outfit." All three of us laughed and set straight to work. As we worked I asked a few questions to both Hilde and May. "So how long have you've been married?" I asked as a maid took my measurements. "By next month it'd be two years now." She told me letting a dreamy sigh. "And what about you May? I mean a great woman like you should have a boyfriend, am I right?" May blushed and told me she did have a boyfriend. Actually they were engaged. I let out a gasp and hugged her. Screaming things out that I couldn't even remember. I did remember that a pin stabbed into me but I ignored it. After getting the outline and all, May sent us out to make the kimono. "Out, out, out! I want to make these alone." I think she wanted to make something out of mine to make Heero think about me and all. I shuddered at the thought. "So how did you and Duo meet?" I asked as we settled in the living room. "I was his secretary." Hilde told me with a bright smile plastered onto her face. Oh my god I shouted. I told her that I read a book about that once, where the secretary would fall for her boss and all. Her love life must've always been a fairy tale than. "So what about you? I mean I'm sure you've had more than ten boyfriends in the past before Heero." Hilde told me. I blushed and shook my head. I told her that I only had ten. But in the back of my mind I thought about Trowa. My first real boyfriend that I had almost swore I was in love with him. "I did. But its not something I would really want to talk about. I mean I had this one boyfriend.I thought I was in love. But I was wrong." I told Hilde. I gave her a sad smile, "Turned out that after we broke up, I set him up with his real soul mate. So I'm happy for him." "So what happened?" Hilde asked. She sounded like a young girl who was listening to a wonderful fairy tale before bed. It was a bit silly because my love life was very much like a fairy tale, only this fairy tale never did have a happily ever after sort of thing. "They eloped and left without a word. He was in the band you know.until he left." I told her. "But we meet once a year which is better than nothing, you know?" Hilde nodded. "Yeah I agree. I use to have this boyfriend too. But I never told Duo about him, since he is a bit jealous and he goes a bit moody. But I can really relate. I mean I knew this man named Tai. He was really nice but the strange thing was, was that he looked a hell lot like Heero." I nodded. "So we were engaged but I suddenly realized why I had stayed with him for so long." I arched an eyebrow. "I stayed with him because he reminded me of Heero's family." His name made me blurt out a question. "Is Heero jealous?" I watched with a questioning stare as Hilde busted out into an amused laughter. "Dear me! Jealous! No, he's damn possessive and out right over protected." Her voice calmed a little. "He will be blindly filled of rage of any guy who would come near his girl." She gave me this cheeky smile and told me that it was me, by the way. I sighed inwardly. I didn't think of that. So I have an over possessive husband that's stuck with me for the rest of my life. Great. Later on, me and Hilde talked about the festival. We hung out together closely the next few weeks only because every male in the house went off to the company to do work and we were the only females in the house other than May who was working on our kimonos. We talked mostly about the things we liked, but basically, to sum it up for all of you, normal teenage schoolgirl kind of things. When the day of the festival arrived, May finally revealed our kimonos. As requested, mines was short, revealing my long legs. Long sleeves with a low drop, simple with only two layers which I was very grateful for considering that it's late spring. Hilde's was long, traditional with three layers. After getting our flip flops, Hilde went crazy over make-up. She had a whole room full of make-up. "So what are you going to do?" Hilde asked me, watching me through the mirror as I touched a brush. I shrugged and told her that I was more of a lip-gloss person. "Well than come on! I have tons of lip gloss!" I laughed as she dragged me over to a dresser. She grabbed about four trays of massive lip-gloss and after flipping out a mirror, she told me to get to work. I decided on a white metallic lip-gloss that smelled strangely of roses. It dazzled my thin lips and soon ended up blending close to my cream complexion.  
  
After hours of fussing and chatting, it was finally time. I watched with a soft smile as Duo wrapped his arm around his wife, visibly showing that he had missed his wife. He wore a dark blue kimono, which was long. Mr. Yuy was there wearing a soft green kimono. I realized that I was the only one who was wearing a short kimono. I walked down the stairs and I knew that Duo had tripped me and I was about to fall flat on my face if I wasn't for one person. His arm had shot out and broke my fall and in an instant I was in his warmth. My back pressed against his chest. Giggles amongst the people and servants swam around me. growling under my breath, we left. The limo was filled of chatter and light laughter. When we got there, we had to walk about four flights of stairs. Now I've never been to a festival before, well not one where I had to wear something like this. "What are we waiting for again?" I asked Hilde as we stood by a pond. "The others." I nodded, looking around me. A full moon rested in the corner of the sky, and stars twinkled down at us. Lanterns graced stands of games and things like that. a stage was a few feet away from us with curtains drawn. I could tell that the performance wasn't there yet. I recognize only two people who came in a large group. Sylvia and Quarte. Now I knew Quarte simply because he was rich and had married one of my good friends before college. Dorothy. I hadn't spoken to her in more than two years and I smiled at how happy she looked when she first saw me. "Relena.." A male voice whispered in the distant. I tensed instantly. That voice could only belong to one person. The person I would see later on, on our regular meeting place was Trowa Barton. He wore a dark kimono with his wife who was another one of my friends, Midi Une. I winced at the jerk my heart gave. After all of these years, I still had feelings for him. Well not those kinds anyways. I'm happy for him and all, but I was never ready to meet him more than once in a year. Never, not since that day in high school. Maybe I didn't say but on that day.he had almost raped me. Drunk and blinded by a rage with no reason behind it. We broke up after that and met only once a year. Later on he married and still we met. But meeting him more than once a year was hard and painful. Because once I could deal with without the image of him tearing my shirt apart would come. But as I stood there frozen in place, images rushed to me that it brunt my eyes. "Hello Trowa." I replied monotone. "Hey Midi." I said to his wife with a bright smile. "Do you two know each other?" Quarte asked. Beside him, my friend Dorothy who had before came to embrace me told him in a whisper. "So let's go and have some fun!" Duo exclaimed and ran off with Hilde. That left me with Heero and a two couples and Heero's ex. Oh what a night this will be. But just as the night was about to begin, I heard painfully familiar music in the distance. I turned around and what I saw almost made me whimper.  
  
(so evil.)  
  
(BTW.review.)  
  
I saw them. On the stage and all of them saw me but never stopped playing. I missed them so much and listened contently on their music. A few minutes later when their performance was over for the time being, they made their way over to me. "Relena.what are you doing here?" Sara asked me with a smile. I was about to say something when they all ran, embracing Dorothy. I laughed at her shocked expression. It didn't take long for them to finally know the truth. Dorothy had told them and I could tell they were angry. Mostly because I really didn't give them a reason, I just told them that I was quitting and left. "So you left the band.for some marriage?" They asked me in unison, glaring at Heero. I swallowed and nodded numbly, I was at a lost of words only because I've never been in this situation before. "And not to mention that not only have you upsetted our fans and lied to us but your not even going to be there for our first big gig?" "What?" I squeaked. The simply word only made them more upset at me. "You know! Your whole dream concert, the one that happens this year. But I guess you don't care because as long as you got your boy, you don't give no shit about us right? The past where you use to have to be a bouncer?" I clenched my fists and was about to burst, but I managed to keep control. "Well than.if you knew the truth. You'd feel like the scum that you use to be before you came into the band, Mike!" I stormed off with tears threatening to fall. I sensed that the others followed me, and I guess they didn't want to feel the wrath of the Gundams neither. But for me it was different, they didn't want to hear their harsh words and I didn't want to feel the pain of feeling that I betrayed everyone. Everyone including me. I shakily released a pent up breath I didn't know I was holding. This festival was bright and children ran along with laughter. I was hurt yes but I knew that I couldn't make everyone else upset because of me. I'd have to deal with the pain later on. I quickly bottled everything up and slipped on a mental mask. I turned around with a smile that people who knew me very well could tell it was fake. I waved an arm to tell everyone to catch up. They did with much hesitation. "So come on! Let's go!" I said cheekily and I could tell they were thinking how I could possibly be so happy when that had just happened. But the thought was quickly dismissed when I grabbed both the arms of Heero and without knowing as well as Sylvia. You see she had been clinging to Heero like a fly to honey, but she did it so it seemed like she was walking behind him. I closed my eyes to block everything out and sort everything through. I gave a cheeky fake smile and told them to play games. I stayed behind with.Trowa and his wife. "Midi.can you go up ahead? I need to talk to Relena." Midi nodded, she knew about us and she wasn't jealous one bit. "So you never told me you left the band." Trowa was the first one to speak and I lifted my shoulders. "Well it was in the contract between me and him. Besides you never told me you left the band neither you know." "So that was a way to get back at me?" Trowa asked harshly. I shook my head and replied no. "Just hurt. But I never intended to get back at you anyways. Besides it couldn't be helped." Trowa sighed and patted my shoulder. "I wish that for once, Heero would admit he was wrong and just fix it." We stopped and I swore I saw Heero walk slower. I could also see two glares from both him and Sylvia. "What do you mean?" I asked Trowa. He lifted his shoulder and looked up at the sky. "I think that by now, in the back of his mind anyways, he's a bit wrong about letting you quit your whole pride and joy thing. I mean I was a bit hurt for a while after I quit the band but when I met Midi, it was better." "But that's not the same for me. If I had fallen in love with Yuy before I married him than I would've been slightly glad to leave the band. But that's not the case. I married him without knowing anything about it. And it was in the contract that I drop everything and let him make the money." "I thought you've always wanted to be a doctor." "Well I still do. But my life just stopped. I mean it's not even my life anymore, it's a we life." "Well you know, everyone in the band liked you not only for your talent but because of your personality. I mean you this big person with a golden heart that can never break and you're the kind who does what she wants to." Trowa informed me. "But this isn't what it is about, is it?" I shook my head sadly and smiled up at him. My eyes turning glassy. "No. All my father wanted for me ever since I was young was for me to marry to a man he would like and would know would support me. I guess in his eyes no man was good enough for me expect Heero. And the last thing I want to do if crash his dreams, because not only has he lead me to my dreams but he's there when I need him. And I can't just.crash his dreams for me when he was alive." Trowa nodded. "Besides it wouldn't be fair to ruin all of his hard work." I told him with amusement. We laughed and shared a friendly hug. I sensed Heero almost throwing a knife at Trowa. We broke apart and went our separate ways to our.wife and husband. But I could swear I saw Heero glaring at Trowa and took a step closer to me. Over protective and possessive indeed. TBC. Author's Notes: So what do you think? Anyways I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. And to the readers of A Locket Song, boy are you in for a treat! Just hang in there! And review! 


	4. The Strong Clone of Blood

Where I Can Say  
  
By: Blackak Bounti  
  
Author's Notes: Yeah, I know. Anyhow ( I'm sorry to say that I can't start a mailing list to tell you if my story has an update. But anyhow I'm here to prove you wrong for telling me that this story is a whole lot like Tabloid. Because this story, is so much more different. Anyhow review!!!! BTW, this song is by me.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine but the storyline.  
  
***  
  
Where I can Say: Chapter 4-  
  
An Inky Poison- Relena's POV  
  
I felt out of place as I stood there watching the couples around me dance and have fun. I felt like I was watching a romance movie where everyone would have dates and I would be the only one without one.  
  
My eyes were numb and blank, my shoulders were slumped. I ignored the cold air knocking against my bare flesh. I stood frozen there, watching with a soft fake smile as everyone danced. I closed my eyes as I heard soft music, the soft music MY BAND played.  
  
"There was time when I just wanted to hold you...  
  
But life and fate crashed it all for us.  
  
I wanted so much, to give you one last kiss  
  
Why is it that I can't have this happiness?  
  
I feel pain...  
  
Why do I feel pain all the time?  
  
Why can't I cry when I see you in her arms?  
  
Is it because I was in love with you too much to be blinded?  
  
I want so much to kiss you one last time before I leave..."  
  
The guitar flowed in and the soft beat of drums. No one really was singing, Sara was just lip singing until they could find a replacement. Until then they used CD.  
  
The air grew dim from excitement to the air I once knew long ago. When I had Trowa anyhow. It was a magical time, a soft time that clouded your mind with peacefulness. Even though I had no one to share it with, I could still feel it and still almost see the soft lights though my closed lids.  
  
A hand sunk into my skin and caused shivers to run along my back and I opened my eyes. Heero stared back at me.  
  
"Would you like to dance?" He asked me softly. I thought for a moment before I accepted his hand.  
  
Somehow dancing with him made it feel so right yet so wrong... I was dancing to my own music with my own husband. Aren't I supposed to be the one standing on stage and signing not dancing to the music I produced? Yet I felt right I guess to be dancing with my husband, only because I've read so many romance novels that it made it feel right.  
  
But than again, my love life isn't anything like those romance novels is it? I wanted to give out a bitter laugh but remembered where the heat that blanketed me. It was Heero in his dark kimono while my bare legs brushed against his covered ones, I didn't mind the simple outfit that May had made me.  
  
His hand light grazed my hip bone and he pulled my closer. Heero rested his chin along my shoulder and his fingers gently touched my slender fingers. I pressed my cheek against his shoulder blade and softly closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.  
  
Heero smelled like pine and soft rain. My arm tightened its hold on him. Soon the music was drawn out and I was reminded of everything that happened. This love, it wasn't real. It some made up fantasy that I was sticking to please my dead father. He loved the model and I could never be the person he wanted nor could I be the person he deserved.  
  
I dropped my arms limply at my side and stared at the ground. I could feel Hero's questioning stare but I ignored it. I had to worry about my band, the one I betrayed. I had to worry about what the model, Sylvia Noventa was planning about. I had to also worry about what will happen when I continue to meet Trowa and his wife instead of that once a year thing.  
  
"Relena?" Heero whispered with concerned lacing his voice. It was fake concern. He didn't care about me; he was only worried that if he didn't act nice to me, his father would be upset with him.  
  
I couldn't take it anymore. I ran. I could sense Heero reaching out to stop me but my legs were longer and I ran. Not really looking where I was going. I bumped into a few people and mumbled apologizes but than after that, I ran. "Relena!" Heeo shouted and I could tell he was chasing after me.  
  
I ran quicker, my pace faster. I wanted to die. I wanted to change time, I didn't want my friends and my band to be mad at me, I wanted to go back to Sissy K's and be a bouncer again. I wanted to see my house again and smell my father's scent all the time. I wanted to have memories of my father but now I couldn't even remember his face or how he smelled like!  
  
I was being selfish but was it my fault for wanting my life to go back to normal? I wanted to die, I wanted to be as far away as possible from Heero Yuy.  
  
You have no idea how much it hurts to be away from away the happy life you use to have and have it taken away by just signing your name on some stack of papers.  
  
Soon I collapsed on my knees and rain pounded against me, soaking my kimono and made it clung to my skin. I could sense Heero stopping softly behind me. Tears pressed out of my eyes and vivid memories flowed back to me. I stared at the ground softly.  
  
I could remember my house and where things were. Pictures with blank faces greeted me at the halls. I couldn't remember the faces on the pictures. I could remember the sight that always greeted me outside my bedroom window.  
  
I couldn't remember the flowerbed me and my father always tended to in the spring and summer of roses, lilies, and lavenders.  
  
Roses because they were my favorite, lavenders because they were my mother's favorite, and lilies because it reminded my father of his favorite place in the world. His home where there use to be a lake behind the house he lived on and they would be full of lilies around.  
  
I couldn't remember damn it! I had always been able to close my eyes and picture my father's face when he watered the flowers. I would always be able to remember how many steps they were to lead to my father's bedroom or down to where my mother use to play the piano. All the important details that made me feel like Relena Peacecraft and not Relena Yuy had vanished.  
  
I couldn't remember things like the stage my band and me practiced at, I couldn't remember anything! Damn it I couldn't even remember the club and where I would stand for my position.  
  
I sobbed. I COULDN'T REMEMBER!  
  
****  
  
Things past by quickly, I was home later on, showered and dried and tucked into some soft clothing. I sat limply on my bed, staring outside the window, watching the rain peck at the glass.  
  
Arms came to wrap around me and I was reminded of the time when my father would hug me when I got back from college. I couldn't remember how his body was pressed against mine or how his soft wrinkly arms around me felt like.  
  
I only felt strong hard and soft flesh arms that reminded me of the husband who took everything away from me. The person who gave me a life that I only wanted through music not marriage.  
  
But somehow I wanted to be comforted. I leaned my head into his warmth and closed my eyes. The last thing I could remember was Heero's lips brushing across my forehead and the bitter pain of my heart breaking. Than I fell asleep.  
  
*** The next morning I found myself in the bed Heero and I shared, but I woke up alone. I turned around and saw nothing but the space where I imagined where Heero would be. Instead I saw a pillow and the closed door. Sighing I sat up.  
  
I slipped out of the red tank top that I could remember buying with Mike for a gig at Sissy. I pulled on a gray tank top and slid on my button down collar shirt and left the buttons opened than I pulled on some flares.  
  
The house was quiet and I entered the kitchen. There was a note from May telling me that Duo and Hilde had sent away all everyone and went out. So I was left alone in this huge mansion.  
  
I shrugged and went to boil some water for some tea. I made a small breakfast by myself like I had before when I was still at my old house. Two bagels with cream cheese, pancakes with butter and tea. I ate slowly and when I was done I did the dishes and stood in the lobby wondering what to do.  
  
I decided to go into the living room and watch the media news.  
  
"Hi this is Cherry Li and I'm here to inform you of the greatest news ever. Over the past two weeks that Relena Peacecraft has left the band for some unknown reasons, The Gundams had hired the model Sylvia Noventa to be the lead singer."  
  
I froze. My friends didn't tell the media of my marriage and hired Heero's ex to be in my place?!  
  
Betrayal sunk in and anger and sorrow boxed me in. I slammed the television off and ran up the stairs, two at a time. I ran up the ballroom and screamed on top of my lungs.  
  
I screamed and screamed until my voice left me. I sat limply at the piano and played a few notes.  
  
I spotted the guitar and grabbed it softly into my hands. I tuned it while I sat on the edge of the stage and started playing. A soft rock rhythm began. Soft sunlight streamed in from the large windows and caught the crystal chandelier above.  
  
Later on when I was done, I still felt pain but decided to bottle it all up again. The phone rang and I picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" I said in a soft voice.  
  
"Hey, Relena?" Hilde's voice rang in softly on the other side and the smallest smile tugged at the corners of my lips.  
  
"Yeah. What's up?"  
  
"Well Duo left me at the mall for some business that Heero called for. So I'm left alone in this big huge mall and still a ton of money unspent so I sent a car to pick you up to company me. Do you mind?" Hilde asked.  
  
I shook my head as if Hilde could see me. "No. That's fine, I'm bored anyhow so I'd love to go shopping with you. But I don't have any money."  
  
Hilde laughed, "Girl, you're married to Heero Yuy! The rich bastard and everything and the guy everyone would die for to even touch. Don't you think you could ask Heero for some money."  
  
"No, I don't want to depend on him. Besides the money from the gigs The Gundams had are in my bank." I told Hilde.  
  
"Well than I'll just pay for your stuff, it's my treat." Hilde informed me. I smiled and hung up.  
  
As if on cue a car honked and I grabbed a jacket and slipped into shoes and bounced.  
  
***  
  
The mall was large so it was hard to find Hilde in the thickness of the people running around. I was thankful for no one seeing me, especially after the news of the new lead singer of my band. Anyhow I found Hilde outside of Shady.  
  
It was basically a brand name store full of clothing, though from where Hilde stood, it looked like she was picking out men's clothing. Truth be hold, she was standing in the men's line.  
  
"Are looking for clothes for Duo?" I asked her laced with amusement. She shot me a funny look that made me burst into laughter.  
  
"Yeah. Hey what do you think of this one?" Hilde asked, holding up a sweatshirt. It was a dark blue in color and the brand name was imprinted in white in the center, sprawling upwards towards the right shoulder blade and it was bordered by rusty orange string.  
  
I took it lightly from Hilde's hands and ran my fingertips over the soft material. There was a large hood in the back and I lifted it. It was heavy and I handed it back to her.  
  
"It's cool. But do you think Duo goes for that kind of stuff?" I asked her. Hilde gave me a funny look and asked what I meant.  
  
"Well first off Shady is like a line for...the ganger look. I didn't think Duo went for that kind of stuff." I told her.  
  
"Yeah...I guess you're right." Hilde said and replaced the sweatshirt back onto the rack. She had me look at the other pieces of clothing she had picked out and asked for my opinion. They were good I tell you. I really liked the jeans that she picked out. There was a small print of Shady along the pant legs and than swirled around. There were pieces of other clothes so it was okay, not to ganger like but more on the thug side.  
  
Hilde paid for her things and we left back out to the mall. Suddenly her cell phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" Hilde asked. "Okay...yep, I'll tell her that."  
  
I guess by "her" she meant me. She was smiling after she hung up and said, "Well that was Heero. And he was wondering if you could get him some jeans and a business outfit."  
  
My mouth formed an O and than looked around. The mall was full of stores, mostly brand stores.  
  
"And he told me that you can buy anything you want for yourself along the way." Hilde said with a big grin, I could tell she was planning something.  
  
I shook my head and told her I wasn't a big shopper. "Oh come on, Relena! Every girl is a big shopper! So lets go shopping and surprise everyone!" Hilde shouted and dragged me along.  
  
I laughed and my eyes light up.  
  
First we went by Gap and Ecko. I brought things for Heero first before Hilde dragged me somewhere else for me.  
  
Hilde freaked when we came into the women's section and threw random clothing at me to try on.  
  
I hated most of them though but we did buy some. By the time we got home it was 8.  
  
I held onto the bags of clothing that I had gotten while Hilde had the servants send it up to her bedroom.  
  
Heero was in our bedroom and I sat down a few inches away from him. I pulled out something and showed it to him. I pulled out these pair of jeans from Shady Limited. Heero gave me a queer look that made me laugh.  
  
"Come on, Heero! Try it on!" I told him, tossing the pair to him along with a black T-shirt. Go, I mouthed and he shook his head.  
  
I pushed him towards the bathroom. "Come on I want to see!"  
  
Two minutes later, I rolled onto the floor laughing.  
  
One happy moment  
  
***  
  
I woke up with great sorrow. I thought of Heero and what happened last night. I had him change into a bunch of clothes and than I sobered. That's right I thought, I don't deserve him. I'm poor, he's rich. I'm the peasant and he's the prince.  
  
I clenched my fists.  
  
He's your husband! He's rich!  
  
I shut my eyes trying to dismiss the thoughts. I will not depend on my husband!  
  
"I lost the band, I lost my happiness, I lost my life." I thought. "I have no right to love him. I have no right to call him mine."  
  
I sat up and threw the pillow. I HAD NO RIGHT TO EVEN BEAR HIS LAST NAME INTO MY OWN!  
  
That's right, I thought harshly, I'm nothing compared to him. I have no right to bear his name onto mine and call him my husband! I have no right!  
  
I pulled the blankets roughly from me and dressed quickly. I'm supposed to be a Peacecraft, forever! I was supposed to be happy in life not upset with how I ended up to be. Married to a rich guy that I don't deserve!  
  
What made me think that I could be happy with him? What made me think that he could ever love someone so low like me?  
  
I'm nothing, like dirt compared to him. He's the clouds in the sky and I'm the dirt people step on, I'm a low life and he's the pampered royalty! I have no right to even say his name and have the last name of his life.  
  
I slammed the door and ran to the park. What made me think that I could ever be the person he needed? How could I ever compare to the others he has dated? I mean they're thin, they can satisfy him.  
  
They're beautiful while I am nothing. They have money and has never worked for anything while I have so little money with me while most are in the bank and I've worked for everything in my life.  
  
I reached the park. Who could I be? Relena Peacecraft or Relena Yuy?  
  
Relena Peacecraft was the girl I was when I was happy; where I had friends and did the things I loved. Relena Yuy is someone I don't know. Someone who most likely will fall in love with Heero and go with him no matter what. I would give up everything for him.  
  
But I couldn't. I had my dream so close to me! I had my life in cloud nine with such simple things and I'm not sure I wanted to be in First Class.  
  
Relena Yuy?  
  
Relena Peacecraft?  
  
"Who am I? What am I?" I asked myself.  
  
I watched people walk past me with smiles. And I wonder if I could even have a chance to be happy. Than I remembered, my happiness was ripped from me. I did nothing in life to have happiness.  
  
One happy moment that would last was all I've ever asked for. To please the people who love me and I love them back. I closed my eyes as memories came back to me.  
  
"Relena, honey. Will you get me something?" A woman sat in her bed, pale blonde hair that had gone dimmer during the months. Her thin wrinkled hand reached to touch the young girl's hand.  
  
"Sure mommy, what do you need me to get?" The young girl asked her mother.  
  
Her mother smiled at her, "A book honey. It's in the other room, it's in this really big box with this heart on it."  
  
The young girl rushed over to the other room, pumping her legs so she could make her mother happy. She retrieved the book and flee gleefully back to her mother.  
  
The book her mother asked her to bring dropped to the ground. "Mommy?" She asked. The young girl rushed over to her mother, touching her hand. She pulled back when nothing but ice reached her skin. She asked for her mother again. Suddenly she cried out, and sobbed. Her mother...  
  
I opened my eyes again. My mother had died of a sickness from giving birth to me. I've never known that until I was ten, asking my father why my mother died. When I was sixteen, I finally understood the complications my mother had to bear to bring me into this world.  
  
I caused my brother to be driven away, and I caused my father to be burdened with great guilt. And me? I didn't deserve to live. How is it that I could be loved when I caused so much pain to those who are important to me?  
  
I blinked back tears. Suddenly I felt anger raise into me and I started to walk towards the swing. My hands gripped at the chains, remembering the images and memories that flowed into my mind like a river. I couldn't remember the faces but I could remember the important details.  
  
The sea...I loved the sea when I was growing up. I bent backward, leaning back and than back, swinging my legs until I could feel like I was flying. I may be twenty one, but I loved to swing. I had loved to swing when I was young and it was my release when things like singing went wrong.  
  
I closed my eyes, remembering the sea. It felt like I was running into a portal, being back into the past again. When I was around eleven, I had begged my father to bring me to the beach. It had been my first time going to the beach since my mother died.  
  
But I giggled when we were finally there. I had ran, jumping down the stairs and into the soft sand.  
  
I could remember the sand, it was a strange white color that I remembered gathering up into my hands, and watching it slid through my fingers. I danced on top of the sand, it felt like snow. Snow was soft and silky, nice and cool, but sand was something that wouldn't melt in your hands after a while.  
  
I remembered the sky when I looked up at it when I fell down onto the sand. It was a bright blue, twirling above me as if it was a moving picture that I remembered seeing in a toy when my dad and I were shopping.  
  
The clouds were thin, it seemed, and it flowed as if it was dancing. I saw the sun, bright and a golden color almost. It sparked everything, making the ocean looking as if they had crystals in them. The air was salty, fresh and clean. The seagulls were the music to the moment. Everything about the beach and sea gave me energy. I remembered the lightness I felt in my body with the bubbly happiness and my soft blue summer dress.  
  
I saw my father sitting down in a chair he brought with him and kept himself shaded with an umbrella.  
  
His eyes were sparkling it seemed, though I have no memory of what color his eyes were. I had no memory of what he wore, or how he sat down in the chair. Nor do I remember the smile he gave me. I think it was a grin.  
  
Anyhow, I went to the sea. My bare feet feeling the soft coolness. I watched the waves, pulling up and driving forward before sliding down right in front of me with it's foam tingling my feet. I went into the water, as far as I could go without my dress getting wet.  
  
I remembered shells, I remembered the shells I collected and showed my father. They were all white, and I could remember washing them in the sea. They were full unlike the broken ones other people usually found.  
  
That was because my mother told me a secret that I kept with me forever. It was that by digging deep enough into the sand where the waves came in, you could find crab shells and other shells.  
  
I had liked one special one though. It took my hours to find it; I had collected about an entire bucket full of them that I set beside me so I could dump another shell into it. They were sparkling in the red bucket, it looked pink in the sun.  
  
But the shell I loved most was in a hole I dug for almost an hour. It was a soft blue shell. Suddenly I remembered how my mother's eyes looked like. They were light, like clouds and the sky mixed together in a soft blend. They had this soft pearl in them at the very edges with happiness.  
  
I remembered almost seeing the clouds in the surface of that shell. So I rushed over to my father to show him. I think I forgot the other shells because I could only remember holding that one shell with me during the ride back home.  
  
I opened my eyes, and I felt strange as I was flying up in the air. I sighed and stuck out my feet. Making sand fly around me as I stopped swinging.  
  
I sat there for a moment. Thoughts racing though I had no clue of what the thoughts were. Me, Relena, wondered if my mother had to ever think about this when she married my mother.  
  
Probably not. I've heard of my parent's meetings, they met in college, fell in love and married and after my brother were born, twelve years later, my father left to fight in the war. My marriage is one that begun with some stupid deal, and now I was starting to fall in love with my husband.  
  
But why would Heero want to fall in love with someone like me? I've read the magazines with Heero's face on it, each with a different woman beside him. I'm nothing compared to those women, models, top models in the US.  
  
*~*~**~*~*~*~*  
  
I arrived back at the mansion around midnight. I don't know where I went or the details but I do remember being at the park the most, than to the graveyard, than to my house.  
  
The mansion was dark and I think Heero sent everyone home. The open windows poured the moonlight in, casting the imprints of windows to the stairs and floors. I looked into the large living room, wondering if maybe Heero was in there.  
  
He wasn't so I walked up the stairs after placing my shoes by the door and draped my jacket over a couch. I walked up the stairs and opened the doors.  
  
It felt like someone ripped my chest opened and ripped my heart out. My eyes widened and tears silently traveled down my cheeks.  
  
Moan...  
  
I saw Heero, I saw Slyvia. My heart crumbled. I closed the door and breathed, trying to calm down. I slouched and started walking down the hall towards the stairs that lead to the ballroom. Suddenly...  
  
Clang!  
  
Glass pricked my skin, pain overwhelmed me. I was flung with force towards the wall and slunk slowly towards the ground. My back dragged along the wall and when I reached towards the ground, I groaned with pain. I smelled poison and the gas entered my system and I simply saw a shadow run away. I could see his face and more tears slid onto my cheeks.  
  
My mind clouded, urging me to sleep but I knew that if I slept, I might never wake up again. I felt my body lack as blood flowed out of my body and the glass that had fallen before, sunk deeper into my body. And all I could see was Heero and Slyvia, making love. I wish I had told him earlier that I love him instead I had to walk in the park and think of who I wanted to be. The girl I had been who was standing up for what she believed in or the girl who went to parties with her husband too often than she liked.  
  
Than I thought that morning, that I could be both. That I could decline and stay at home and be at peace or walk by my old house. I would still be the same person. But when I came home late at night, I heard Heero and Slyvia and I saw. Why? Why can't I have happiness? What did I ever done wrong? But as the pain pricked me even more I thought to myself, I shouldn't care if I died. The one person I truly love, doesn't love me back. My friends are angry at me, and my past boyfriend...  
  
I kept my eyes open vividly, to keep from falling into death. Maybe someone would find me in the morning. Soon the blood flowed and sunk into the carpet even more until I could see it and smell it like a strong clone someone had sprayed on too much.  
  
No...  
  
Author's Notes: Wow. Oh and please take this poll to find out what happens next.  
  
What should happen to Relena? How do you think Heero should feel? And what about Sylvia?  
  
A)Make Relena die and have Heero mourn over her death. And who cares about Sylvia?  
  
B)Make Relena go into a coma and Heero feeling great guilt with Sylvia begging Heero to be with her and forget Relena?  
  
C)Make Relena die, make Heero don't care and marry Sylvia?  
  
Or  
  
D)Relena dies, Heero kills himself and Sylvia...who cares about her?  
  
Take this poll to make the next chapter more interesting.  
  
And don't forget to review and add you're vote in!!!! 


	5. In My Dreams We're Happy

Where I Can Say

By: Lazi n Lonely Rei

Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. But this is told from Heero's POV.

Heero's POV

I was awoken with a loud bang. I was tossed to the floor and landed hard, the bitter coldness rushed to me without the warmth of the blankets I had been previously wrapped in. Than before I could even peel my eyes open, I was punched hard in the jaw. I opened my eyes angrily to see Duo glaring down at me and gritting his teeth. I also noticed I was naked.

I looked around, shocked to see Sylvia. Why was she here? She was also naked. "Shut the hell up, I don't want to hear your excuses. But you better get dressed quick and outside the hall in two seconds…" He didn't leave a threat but the tone of his voice made me wonder what was going on. I dressed quickly into a new set of clothes.

When I stepped outside of my bedroom door confused, shivers wracked into my body. I breathed and fog came out. And the air I drank in was horrible. My eyes directed to someone…

My wife.

Relena was lying there on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood and snow. Her skin was pale with dried blood everywhere. Her clothes took a dark red color and the entire house smelled of her blood and something else…something poisonous. It was freezing cold and I noticed that one of the grand windows were knocked open and at night it had snowed. Relena was dusted with glitter of broken glass and the large pieces lodged itself into her lungs, legs, arm, and stomach.

My eyes burned and I took a step towards her until the paramedics pushed me out of the way as they tried to figure out how to get her onto the stretcher. "Oh my god, she's still awake!"

I could feel my heart breaking, I felt a hard stab inside to know that she was awake, feeling the pain, struggling to keep herself from dying and had stayed awake feeling the pain for many hours without anyone finding her till now on the verge of falling into death. Her lips were a pale blue and her eyelids matched them. She looked dead even though once in a while her eyes moved and blinked.

She was rushed to the hospital and immediately hooked onto a monitor. However the moment that happened, her heart stopped beating. It felt like a million men had punched me all over my body, I felt numb and so sad. My mind and my heart broke and I screamed her name.

I was lead to the hospital in a car with my father, Sylvia whom I haven't figured out why she was in my bed with me…I could figure that out but there were pieces missing, Duo and Hilde.

It was quiet but I could feel the tension through my limp body. I could feel glares directed at me and her, the women I probably slept with and betrayed Relena with. And I could feel the anger from my father, Duo, and Hilde directed at me and also disappointment.

The doctors said that if Relena hadn't been wearing her winter clothing from wherever she had gone before, she would've had frostbite and had certainly died around midnight. There had been a gas thrown and that was why the window was broken. But they were very surprised that she had been awake throughout the whole time.

The doctors also said they might not be able to repair the damage from the pieces of large glass lodged into her organs.

I heard everyone crying, except for me who had kept a fist into the wall and my head down. I got more punches from Duo and a beating from Hilde as she sobbed. I wanted to cry too.

I looked up when a doctor came out, covered in Relena's blood and pulling off rubber gloves stained a sickly red. He swallowed hard and said, "Miss. Yuy is fine…we were able to repair all the damage, thankfully. However…the shock and her struggle while being awake through the whole time might cause her mind to be very fragile. As of now, her body had shut itself down into a coma. We're not sure when she's going to be awake….and if she's ever going to wake up again. We did the best we could and now it's all up to her."

She was in a coma…..

I ran that thought into my mind over and over again and in the distance I could hear more sobs. If I hadn't been so caught up in my thoughts I would've known that Sylvia had left and Relena's band members came. They were crying, demanding information about Relena's condition.

Duo choked it out and I got hard hits. I could feel nothing but the heartbreak. I even heard the explanation. I had slept with Slyiva, and from the security monitors in the mansion, Relena had seen us. When she walked further down to the hall at least ten feet away from the bedroom door that's when it happened. She had been flung back with a great force from the window breaking and her body arched, almost as if it was pleasure, when the large pieces of glass stabbed into her. Her mouth opened but there didn't seem to be a scream. Her hand moved and she had tired to stand up and get help but she fell quickly. The gas that had been thrown into the hall contained a sleeping gas, and with the wounds she had received, if she had slept, she would've died. She had fought off the drug and the pain to stay alive.

She was so strong….

And throughout the entire time while I was watching this video at the station, she looked like a fallen angel. An angel that had fallen into hell. There were no cameras at that place outside to see who had thrown the gas.

It seemed like it had been planned.

And while I was watching the video, I somehow felt that Relena had saw who the person was.

A week later I drowned myself in my work but I never went back to the mansion, the image of Relena's figure when I first saw her that day paralyzed me. I drowned myself at work during the day and when I was let off during the evening I went to the hospital.

Eventually weeks turned to months and soon it was three months. I ate but the food lost it's taste. Duo, Hilde, and my father moved into the original estate and they visited during the day, sobbing and bent across Relena's sleeping body. They were still upset with me and angry. Relena's band members were there the most though, they were there all the time. But whenever I was there, they left immediately and came back when they thought I was gone.

Her hospital room was littered with flowers, some from her fans and her band members, some of them were from me and the others were Hilde and them.

But slowly all those flowers died and Relena still showed no sign of waking up. It had been a month, a long dreadful month.

I was working tiredly feeling so old and broken when my cell phone rang. My cell phone didn't ring unless it was private, it was a private number I gave only to a certain number of people.

It was the hospital.

"Mr. Yuy, you're wife has woken up." We talked for at least a minute, describing her condition on how she woke up and so on.

I dropped everything immediately and rushed to her side.

She was there, with her sea blue eyes bright against her sheet white skin. Her lips were dry and tinted with blue, just a little but she was still beautiful. Her hair had lost its beautiful shine and her eyes wondered endlessly around.

Nothing about her looks changed from when she was sleeping at that bed except the fact that her eyes were open.

"Relena…" I spoke her name as if it would bring the color back into her cheeks, I spoke the name as if the feelings that raged in her eyes would come back, I spoke her name as if it would stop her heart from freezing up and being swallowed in pain.

She looked at me quickly and even though I got lost in her eyes I could see the emptiness in the depth. I sat down next to her never once breaking eye contact with her. I slowly reached for her hand and ran my thumb against her cold but smooth skin. My lips turned upward into a small weak smile. "Hey."

"Hey." Her voice was a little broken up considering the fact that she had spoken for two months. I felt like crying, I felt like I had failed to protect her, failed to be the husband.

Even though the marriage wasn't perfect, I could've still been the perfect husband. The caring husband, the LOYAL husband. I could've been that still even though I had been recorded and written down as a playboy, I could've showed some care to her even though I was never home.

I could've understood her and how different she was from all the other girls I knew if I hadn't jumped to conclusions about her wanting me only for my money. So far, she had proved me wrong each time with her personality, with just being who she was best at being, herself.

Relena suddenly went into a coughing fit that small thin tears ran down her eyes and the pain she seemed to show made me very tense. When she stopped she looked away at the window. Previously a bunch of vases full of vibrant flowers were on the table and everywhere but now that they had died, they left the room with nothing but a void of white.

I had once thought that white was a pure color, and that's what most people believe. But when you visit someone who looked like they were on the edge of death in the hospital, the color of black and white seems to switch.

I ran my thumb in long strokes against her hand. We made a small conversation but she acted like I was a stranger, someone she had to keep her guard around. Which was true because after all the things she had seen…she has a right to. And the marriage between us, well we are strangers to each other. Though she knows more about me than I do her because of the constant news about me in the newspapers and magazines.

"Relena…I'm so sorry…. But I can explain. I was drugged, I swear. I had a business meeting and I ended up having it with her. I don't know what happened but one thing lead to another, but Relena I swear to god I didn't know what I was doing…and I…I hope….."

"Please just stop." By now tears streamed through her eyes. "Just stop!" Her voice was bitter and loud. "I don't want to hear anymore excuses!" She ripped her hand away from mines and I just stared at her in shock. "All my life, people have given me excuses. For all the things they've done to me. MY FATHER had set me up in an arranged marriage because he said he loved me. When it was really just a DEAL he had that was unfinished."

"You don't love me, I know that. I hadn't expected anything from you. So please just stop making up an excuse! If you want to be with Sylvia, just go with her than! But don't make up an excuse in my face about it! All I wanted….all I wanted was to prove people wrong! Live up to my dream, the dream you RIPPED away from me! I had it, I had my dream in my hand. I had my fans, I had my band, I had concerts, but right when I was about to grasp my true dream, I HAD TO GET MARRIED TO YOU! Someone I don't even know! Someone I don't love! And yet I was FINE with it because it was what would've made my father happy if he had been alive."

"I expected nothing from you, so please just stop visiting me! Stop caring about me just because your father expects that from you! Just leave me alone! Pretend I never walked into your life!"

After her speech, she turned away from me and her body shook with sobs. Shocked, I left just as she had screamed at me to do.

I went back home, the home I had been living in for two months. I lived in an apartment downtown, far away from my family. My family didn't want anything to do with me and as I closed the door, the apartment felt so empty. I felt so lonely….over these months, being with Relena had someone…brought happiness, she brought comfort.

I expected her to be home everyday, yell at me as I made fun of her. But when she was in that bed….the feelings were gone. I wished they came back.

"Relena…" I whispered. I closed my eyes tightly, doing the same thing I've been doing when I first saw Relena on the ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood. Hoping that it was all just a dream. Somewhere in a parallel universe, I'm still single. But somehow, I would end up meeting Relena and we would both fall in love and get married.

"I think I love you…"


	6. I Have Nightmares About You

Where I Can Say:

By: Lazi N Lonely Rei

Author's Notes: **I'd like to thank all those who reviewed. Mostly to those who stuck and waited for the update. **

**And I would like to thank and dedicate this chapter to shadow blackheart for sending me the sweetest review ever.**

Other people I would like to thank for the recent reviews:

pheonixspirit

heaven'sgirl

gundamgirl818

Nubia

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you people for enjoying this story. This chapter is dedicated to **shadow blackheart** because she sent me the greatest review I have ever had. But don't think I forgot you others who reviewed. This chapter is still told from Heero's point of view. But after a while, it will return to Relena's point of view for just a paragraph until it goes back to Heero.

Two months has passed and I visited Relena only when she was sleeping. Each night I dreamed of the words she had said to me, hitting me and washing me in waves bringing fear. Fear that she would never love me…..

When she was finally able to go home, she went to live in the estate with Duo, Hilde, and my father. I came by often to try to get forgiveness but the anger of the betrayal still lurked in my loved ones lives.

In the parallel universe, Relena and Heero are happy. As I sat lonely in my apartment, propped in a leather chair watching TV in the dark. Colors of blue from the screen flickered back and forth in the darkness and on the face. If one was to look at me they would think I was dead with the pale blue painting my face.

In my dream world, Relena and I are eating dinner together in the mansion, the place I used to live until it was tainted of memories and Relena's blood. The police still haven't found who threw the gas, they knew that the incident was planned. I could feel it too, and somehow I knew that Relena knew who it was.

"Relena…" I whispered her name wishing I could see her. When I had last seen her was when she was dressed in sweat pants and a red T-shirt walking with Duo out of the hospital. I saw her from behind because I hadn't known she was leaving. I was her husband…and I didn't even know she was leaving the dreadful place where they had previously flooded her system with medicine. She had lost a lot of weight that through the tight T-shirt, you could see her rib cages. Her skin was so pale that if she had worn all white, she would've blended in with the white washed walls.

I stood up and turned the TV off. I needed to see her, see how she was doing. I was pulling on my leather jacket when a knock was vibrated through my apartment door. My brows furrowed as I pulled my jacket on properly and walked over to the door.

Turning the knob I looked up after the door was wide open. There stood a woman standing straight with a purse in front of her. Dressed in a pair of dark washed jeans and a leather vest, she looked so dangerous, yet so sexy. Her honey blonde hair was pulled in a messy ponytail, it had grown so long but I could tell it had been recently cut, some strands of hair framed her face and I couldn't help but continue to look at her.

I reached out….slowly, hoping that when I touched her, I wouldn't wake up. Hoping that when I grazed my fingers against her cheek, she wouldn't disappear. My rough large fingers danced lightly against her cheek and her eyes never left mines. Finally I cupped her cheek and she never moved.

"Relena…" I came and hugged her gently. When she rested her cheek against my chest my heart broke at the words that came out of her mouth.

"Why did you do that to me?"

I pulled back, I let go and took a step back as if she had burnt me. I looked everywhere but at her. I could feel sadness, anger, and betrayal coming off in waves from her. I took another step back and turned my back to her trying to avoid the emotions flooding off of her and drowning me. I heard the door close and I looked down. I heard footsteps from her high heeled boots as it clicked softly against the wooden floors.

Her fingers touched my arm lightly and almost on impulse I pulled my arm from her grasp causing her to fall down. I heard the sound of her weight being dropped heavily down onto the ground and I turned around in fear.

God did she know what she did to me….

She didn't say anything but stand up quickly, swinging her small purse to be held in her other hand. That's when I looked into her eyes.

Her eyes were a dark shade of blue, the color of the ocean when it was evening and the sun had stopped setting and the moon had not rise yet. Each time she blinked, something new came to her eyes, something I could not describe. Her full but thin light pink lips moved to repeat the question I could never answered.

But if I was going to get her to at least think about forgiving me was to tell her the truth. Yet I didn't say anything, all I did was continue to look at her blankly as my mind worked to come up with an answer and for my mouth to at least move.

"Did you enjoy it or something? I mean if you did, than fine. I can understand…if I'm not good enough."

My mind screamed at me to say no and say she's perfect but nothing seemed to work. I watched blankly as if I was in a trance as tears came in small waterfalls down her eyes and to her cheeks. Inside her eyes, the blue shook.

"Maybe…we could get divorced after a few months. I mean in two months our marriage would've lasted for a year, we could divorce a week later. I mean I think I filled up the bet right? And you could finally go in public with the person you really love."

"I…" Damn it, I had to say something. I wanted her, I wanted her badly. "I think that maybe what you saw….shouldn't have been any of your business."

My mind screamed at me to take it back and shouted the question of why I had to say that. The next thing I knew her hand connected with my cheek. And I could hear her choke on a sob as she started to scream at me.

"I KNOW IT WASN'T ANY OF MY BUSINESS! BUT….nevermind!" Relena spun on her heel and walked out of the door but I could tell she wanted to run, run as far away from me as possible.

As she was closing the door that's when my mind kicked into gear. "Relena, wait! That's…" She had already closed the door and left me, "not what I wanted to say…" I whispered after her.

Relena's point of view:

I ran and I cried. The memory of the past year burned deep into my mind and my heart, it tugged and played at the cords of my heart making me ache.

The face I saw when the window had broken had been one that appeared only in my distant memories. The reason I figured out behind it killed me.

The image of Heero and Sylvia making love in the bed I had previously slept in just burned me.

But the thing that I hated the most was that I was awake, dying slowly in pain. That I lost the things I worked so hard to get and the things that made me happy.

I crashed into someone and fell down. When I looked up I saw the face I never wanted to see again.

"Trowa…."

Author's Notes: Yep I think you can figure out who the attacker was. But there's more to it as always!


	7. Run and Hide From The Pain

Where I Can Say

By: Lazi N Lonely Rei

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or it's characters. I do however own this story.

Author's Notes: Awww, thanks for all the sweets reviews guys. I was hoping to receive more reviews though but I'm thankful for the ones I did get.

Relena's POV

I got up quickly but I was unable to keep my gaze from lingering on the strong lines of Trowa's jaw and the strong planes of his face that was smooth like marble and warm like fire.

But reality crashed into my head too many times for me to feel that flutter in my heart that I lost for him a long time ago. And the face I saw…..it had been him. It had been his eyes that I stared at the moment I was hit to the ground, bleeding and lungs filling with a horrible gas as I struggled to stay awake.

And than I had saw him gasp and run in a blur as if he was just a shadow passing by. That nightmare stayed with me during the time of my recovery. A lot of nightmares held onto me during my recovery. My marriage, my friendships, my dreams, my father, and Trowa. I looked at Trowa's forest green eyes.

"Listen…"

"If you're worried about you well-being like the selfish bastard you are than I'll have you know I'm not pressing charges." I snapped.

"But…I need to explain. I…." Trowa struggled with his words but I had enough! The pain was so big, it swallowed me in one bite and never would spit me out. Everything in my life hurt at this moment and I just wanted to run, run far away to somewhere where I could rest, close my eyes without nightmares and stay without my heart hurting.

"I don't need to hear it. I'm going to convince them to drop the charges." With that I spun away and walked as fast as I could. "Them" meaning Heero's family. And of course Heero.

I sighed and stopped walking, staring at my surroundings. The park was quiet and peaceful as the lush tress blew a soft breeze that relaxed the tension in my body and let me close my eyes softly yet kept myself awake hanging on a thin thread to stop from getting nightmares.

The soft sanded wood of the bench relaxed me and spooned my body as I leaned my entire body into it. The mix of floral scents drove me to a clam place so I relaxed. A year I've been married and there was no fairy tale of an arranged marriage of the two perfect people that had somehow fallen in love.

I had always wanted to marry for love. And for some reason, deep down inside of me I wanted to fall in love with Heero. He was perfect in every way for every girl. He was handsome and hot, he was tall and muscular but not that jacked up. To most woman, his money was enough. To me, it was nothing because I had enough money entitled to my name from my band to care. His name was so foreign so it wasn't heard much anywhere in the world. He knew how to keep things up and down when it came to publicity and he always knew how to control things and never let things control him.

From the things I read about him he was a funny and charming person. He was very romantic when it came to the women he wanted to impress and he was very determined when it came to what he wanted and his dreams. He had many sides of him that not even the girls he had dated longer than a one night stand could figure out even one. He was very cold and emotionless and did not like to smile too much when it came to being in the public eye.

I wondered if I and he would ever fit together like a married couple. The publicly, those who had seen him only with long legged brunette women think we are perfect for me to be only a petite, only two inches from the average girl height, blonde woman. They described me as supple breasted, thin waist, graceful and blah blah blah.

They didn't know anything about me.

Like they didn't know that I'm a tom boy who had many skills, I liked to wear dressed and things a girl would wear but my personality was a tom boy. I liked to talk about fashion too but I liked to talk about cars and sports teams. I like to play football and I love to play hockey. I hate baseball and I'm an artist in more than a way of a singer.

Sighing I made way back to the home I'd spent alone.

When I arrived, Heero was explaining things to his family. I only saw them hugging and nodding in understanding and Duo saying, "So you mean that bitch drugged you and fucked you just because she was desperately in love!"

I would've laughed if I hadn't seen it. When I heard Duo saying that, I felt something tug at my heart. Relief….

Relief from what? Furrowing my brows as I struggled to think things out I never noticed that everyone left and Heero and I were the only two people in the large grand living room.

I held my breath and sat down next to him on a plush couch that wrapped around my body comfortingly.

"Relena…I-"

Author's Notes: MUHAHAHA! This is where I leave you in your cliff hanger and you click that review button and review! This time I expect a lot of reviews!


	8. This Moment of Love

Where I Can Say

By: Lazi n Lonely Rei

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing but I do however own this story and it's plot.

Author's Notes: Hm…well I didn't get as many reviews as I hoped. But I'm still happy to those who DID review me, I thank you all! I'm not sure when this story is going to be finishing up because I have a lot more twists to this than it may seem. I hope you'll review and enjoy this story!

Heero's POV

I stared at her. In the light of the living room, she looked like an angel. The jeans she wore clung to her every curve of her thin legs and her leather shirt shaped curves and clung to the ones she had. Her eyes were sparkling in the light and her hair shimmered. She glared at me and I wondered what I should say…we were alone and if we had been a normal couple and none of the horrible things had happened to her, I'd think we'd kiss.

But we weren't a normal couple. We were in an arranged marriage and one of us wanted a divorce a week from our year anniversary. She had been hurt horribly while I was sleeping with the person who had replaced her in her own band. Things couldn't get any more complicated.

"Relena…I- I'm sorry."

Damn it! Why the hell would I say I'm sorry for! I swallowed as I watched Relena blink rapidly in confusion. I saw her take a step forward and stumble a little and I reached forward with one giant step to catch her. I balanced her by wrapping an arm around her waist. Her waist was so small, it had grown smaller since the accident. When my hand wrapped around her waist like a snake and my hand rested on her upper rib cages, I could feel the bones. Yes, she had lost a lot of weight.

She looked at me and something flashed in her eyes that moment we stared into each other eyes that I couldn't quite understand. It was hurt, sadness, and longing. And other emotions that I just couldn't figure out.

My mother, before she passed away, told me when you look into someone's eyes, you could see their souls. You could see their hearts, and you could always see the best and the worst in them. She also told me to always follow my emotions because this way I would live without a regret.

The advice followed me everywhere. However, today I couldn't quite understand what I was seeing as I stared into the depths of my wife's eyes. There was a lot of hurt and sadness in those eyes. I could only think of the worst but for some reason I could also see a roller coaster with too many twists and turns.

I hold a lot of regrets since I married Relena. As she put her purse down on the coffee table and I led her to sit down on a couch, I sat down next to her. It was the one in front of one of the large grand windows of the estate's living room so the sun warmed our backs and shaded our eyes from the glare.

I took away the things that made her life happy, forced her to be dependent on my money. I took away her dreams, kept her locked inside somewhere she didn't even know and forced her to never connect back with the life she had before she married me. I took away her freedom and her independence and that's something that no man should ever do to a woman.

I also regret being with Sylvia, even though I never knew what I was doing because I was drugged, it still wasn't an excuse.

We sat next to each other, slightly turned face to face. Our knees touched and my arm was still around her waist. Suddenly she did something I never expected her to do, she leaned into me. Her head rested at my chest, where she could hear my heart beat, her hair slid like a waterfall to my torso and I could feel it's light weight and silkiness through the cotton of my shirt. I rested my chin at the crown of her head and we stayed there for what seemed like forever.

Forever meaning until it was night and we both had fallen asleep on the couch. I leaned back, taking her with me. My back pressed against the plush cushions of the couch and my head rested at the arm rest. My legs fanned, I was tall but the couch was huge. So my feet was only a feet away from reaching the end. Relena's weight shifted so her body rested lightly against my own. It was comforting and though her thigh brushed against the muscle between my legs, I was fine with the turn on. Her hands rested lightly against her face and on my chest. I sighed and soon drifted off to sleep.

I woke up with a jolt after the ringing of my watch woke me up. Sighing I turned it off and laid back. Something on me shifted and I looked down to see golden hair, sandy yellow like the soft color of the sand of the beach. She was shaking and mumbling something. I sat up and looked around. It was dark and I could only see the lights from the halls. It had gotten cold and I sat up.

I carried her up the stairs and into a room that I was pretty sure was hers. It had some of her belongings in it, like the light blue brush she always used when she brushed her hair and the white pearl jewelry box with a picture of a red rose that stood out against the white.

"Screw it." I said and laid next to her on the bed, pulling the comforter over us. I had already taken off both our shoes and anything uncomfortable for myself but because I did not violate my wife, I had a maid dress her in a night gown. It just happened to be a very short nightgown.

I sighed when Relena snuggled against my chest, my bare chest, I slept in boxers. Wrapping an arm around her waist I entered a world of dreams.

We'll talk in the morning.

Author's Notes: Well I'm sorry if I disappointed you guys for those who expected a talk in this chapter but I thought it'd be sweet if there was a moment of actual…well love. REMEMBER TO REVIEW!


	9. This Moment Engraved

Where I Can Say

By: Lazi n Lonely Rei

**Author's notes: Thank you all for the sweet reviews! I'm sorry it took me a hell long of a time to get this chapter out but I've been going through difficult times in my life. But no worries now! I'm COMPLETELY happy with my life because I made the steps to change it. I'll share a secret with you, I'm sure every girl feels this way at one point, I wish that I could get a guy who would do the things they do for the girl they love in the stories. Anyways, REVIEW!**

Relena's POV:

The sun streaming through the curtains stretched like a long lazy cat across the bed. The bed was warm and toasty and I never wanted to open my eyes and get up. However the sun beckoned me, nagging me in the back of my mind, to wake up. (AN: that's how I'm like when I wake up) Sitting up in a flash before I could argue anymore in my mind, I looked around my room. In the mirror across the bed I could see myself. My hair in a mess and getting up I took a brush and brushed my hair. As I brushed my hair, in the reflection of the mirror, I could see a bush of chocolate hair peeking out from under the covers.

He suddenly shifted and moved the covers. Groaning he snuggled deeply into the pillow. The corners of my mouth shifted upwards and I could suddenly see his face. Smooth skin, lips drawn into a thin line, snoring softly. After brushing my hair and changing into proper clothing that I would sleep in, I shifted back into the bed.

I never wore a dress to sleep, I always looked like I came back from the gym or something. I wore baggy pants and a tank top. Instead of lying back down, I sat up against the plush pillows against the headboard. I stared off into space, deciding. Making up my mind of what to do.

I guessed I sat there thinking for an hour with my husband next to me, snoring softly. My eyes grew heavy as I finally made up my mind. Sighing softly, I laid back down into the comforter. I fell into a very light sleep.

It didn't last long because Heero shifted and woke me up. We both turned to face each other and finally opened our eyes to stare into each others. I laughed at how silly the entire motion it was. Resuming my previous position of sitting up, I stared down at him. He remained laying down staring up at me.

I nudged him up with a thin small smile, saying, "Come on, we have to talk."

Heero's POV:

It was as if she read my mind. Shaking any last feelings of wanting to sleep I got up and rubbed my eyes. Yeah, we did have to talk. But I was afraid.

Afraid of what she might say. So I started first. "Relena…listen." She stared at me with curiosity, sweet innocent layering above her beautiful complex personality. "I want to make this marriage work. Not because I have to or feel like I have to. But because," I took her small hand in mines and continued. "I want to make this work. Because if I don't, I'll lose you. And I don't want to lose you."

Staring at her was like a treasure. Being even remotely close with her was like this fuzzy sappy moment in the movies. "And if you're wondering why, it's because…I love you. I know I made a lot of mistakes in this marriage, but I'm willing to fix it. I'm sorry for…"

"Stop." The word she whispered was simple and I stopped yapping and let her speak. She took in a breath in as if deciding her next movement. "I want my life back." The way she said it made me feel as if she wanted the divorce no matter what. "I want to get a job. I'll work a real job but I'll still do my band… if they accept me back, as a side job. I'll make you a deal. We'll keep this marriage; work at it, whatever, for six months. If it doesn't work out…you have to promise me to sign the divorce papers without a hassle."

She stared at me. Flicking her eyes back and forth between me and something behind me. I leaned closely to her and I could feel her tense. I know she wasn't ready for a kiss on the lips but I couldn't resist being far from her. I kissed her cheek, close, very close, to her lips. I gave her a rare smile and nodded. She sighed as if in relief.

I made a promise inside myself. That no matter how hard it was, that I'd try to keep her. "So, what's this job you want?" I said trying to lighten up the mood.

She smiled and laid back into the bed. "First, I want more sleep." I laughed and lay down beside her. Pulling myself closer to her to test the waters, I rested against her. She gave me the OK when she grabbed lightly on my hand at her waist. Breathing in her scent of an exotic perfume that I'm sure would only fit her; I fell into deep relaxing slumber.

A few days later…

"So what do you think about this one?" Relena shifted the screen towards me. We've been looking for another house since I'm sure both of us didn't want to be back in a mansion where we both had bad memories. She wanted something small while I wanted something that looked like a mansion.

The picture on the screen was a mansion. With an iron gate and all that stuff. It was small because it was only a few acres. Instead of having a pool, it had a man-made pond you could swim in. The water was clear and clean and all that stuff. There was a large garden with lush trees, however there were no flowers. The mansion inside was really nice. There was a large kitchen, a large dining room next to a ball room, five bathrooms and nine bedrooms. The floors were wooden and the stairs were wooden too. There were nice chandeliers in the living room, dinning room, ballroom, and smaller ones in the halls. There was a pretty decent size of lobby, smaller than my mansion but big enough to look decent for a party.

"Let's check it out." I replied.

(AN: I'm skipping around for the sake of content.)

We bought it within a matter of two weeks and we settled easily into the new house. It wasn't that hard to find our way around. As I went to work and came back to the house during my two hour lunch break, I watched as Relena looked for a job.

She had a degree in business law and a minor in psychology. But she still wasn't sure what to do for the rest of her life. I didn't want to say much to her about her job because I wanted her to pick any job that would make her happy.

Sometimes…there was this far away look in her eyes especially when she winced in pain. Relena had refused to get any physical therapy stating that she had many injuries previously and she could get herself well. After feeling the pain she put herself through sometimes, she would simply sit somewhere, even on the floor, and stared emptily into space. I wondered a lot what she was thinking about but was afraid to ask.

What if she was thinking of the divorce? What if she was thinking about all the things I've done?

Somewhere…I can imagine, in a parallel universe we would be pregnant and having a child soon.

And yet even though I wanted it to see it happen in reality, I knew we were worlds away. Our lives were entwined at only one point and we were both strangers to each other even though we see each other almost everyday. It's like being in high school where you saw familiar faces yet you were still strangers.

I didn't want to be a stranger to her. I wanted to know everything about her, everything there is to know. I wanted her to know me too the exact same way and yet…since the marriage, we've drifted so far away.

End of Chapter.

Author's Notes: This story might be altered a little. I don't really like some of the chapters so I might do a rewrite. Also the format of the layout of how the story will be written will also change. It's no big deal about the new layout, it'd be easier for readers to understand. Anyways REVIEW! I know there's not much point to this chapter but I wanted to show you a happy moment Heero and Relena shares.


	10. It hurts so much

**Where I Can Say**

**Author's Notes: **Sorry for the delay in this chapter. I'm not sure where I'm going with this story anymore. I'm not sure if I want a happy ending or not. I'm really not sure yet considering I really don't know where I'm going with this story anymore. Also, I'm looking for a BETA reader which can potentially be a partner for a story. Anyone?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

**Heero's POV:**

I drummed my fingers against the oak desk as I spoke on the phone. Yet even while doing my job, my mind kept wandering back to my wife. I wondered what she was doing at the moment.

Hanging up, I sighed and leaned against my chair and stared up at the ceiling. That's what I did when I needed to think, I stared at the ceiling. I drummed my fingers against my armrest and an image of Relena and I sitting at some fancy restaurant, laughing and talking, sipping wine, came into my mind.

I couldn't help but wonder if she and I would ever have a happy marriage. We didn't know each other at all. And the more I kept seeing that image of us at a restaurant, the more I wanted to make it happen.

Suddenly filled with energy, I sat straight in my chair and picked up my phone.

"This is Heero Yuy, and I would like to make a reservation for two please."

----

**Relena's POV**:

God, it hurt so bad. I suppressed the urge to cry out as searing hot pain shot up and down my body. I curled tighter into a ball on the bed; I tangled sheets tighter around my hot body, hoping to cool down. My fingers pressed tighter down onto my stomach as hot pain like acid seemed to explode within.

What the hell is wrong with me?

That was my last thought before I fell into sweet darkness where no pain could possibly reach me.

Someone was shaking me and I could feel their cold hands wrapping around my arms. It was nice to have those cold hands wrap around me, it cooled down my hot body. I opened my eyes slowly and blinked at the face that stared down on me.

"Heero?"

He sighed and he seemed to be relieved. We were on our bed; he was kneeling on the mattress, sort of half on and half off the bed. "Are you okay?" He asked me. Suddenly I felt numb but in a good way. I waited a moment for that strange pain to come back and attack me, take me away from him but it never came and I was happy. I smiled at him and nodded.

Heero pressed his cheek into my hair and I sighed and closed my eyes, muscles in my body seemed to relax and melt whenever I was around him. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was only six-thirty.

"I have a surprise for you." He said suddenly. Looking up I waited for him to continue. "Go get dressed." That was the only answer he gave me and once he left I pondered on what to wear. Peeking in my closet which I had just finished setting up, I pulled out a red dress.

The dress was short, simple, but beautiful. It had a small triangle cut out at the top, near the heads of the dragons. Two golden dragons meeting mouth to mouth, grazing each other's teeth, at the very top. Spaghetti straps tying the whole thing together and the hem of the dress reached mid-thigh. Slipping into it quickly and pulling my hair up quickly, I dabbed on some make-up and pulled on some heels. Checking myself over one last time, I went to meet Heero downstairs.

The way he stared at me made me feel so special, the way his eyes held onto me as if I was the only thing in the room that was remotely interesting. It made something warm and fuzzy bubble inside of me and if I had ever been cold at the moment, I'd surely be warm with the Heero stared at me. I descended down the stairs with ease and I hooked arms with him.

We got into a car and Heero drove off into the night. I stared out the window as the city passed by us, lights dazzling the sky, a light that almost rivaled the stars. He turned left onto a street that's lights seemed to reach the sky. All the buildings were tall, it was if I was in a small part of Las Vegas. We stopped at a building where a man opened the door for me and took away our car. I stared in awe at the lobby where a waterfall resided. A grand staircase greeted me as Heero walked me towards it. I couldn't help but stare everywhere, trying to memorize the room. The floor was blue marble and the ceiling golden marble with countless chandeliers, everything seem completely majestic.

We were led into one of the main rooms were many people were dining. I stared at Heero with an eyebrow raised. "What's this?" I asked him with a wide grin. He gave me a smirk and the next thing I knew, he was behind me, pulling my chair out and gesturing for me to sit. The large window next to me stared down to the streets where people happily walked around at night.

I couldn't sit, I had to walk towards the window and look out. In the background I could hear Heero laughing. He came beside me at the window and with hands in his pockets, he watched the scenery with me. With both hands resting against the glass, I turned my head and offered him a smile. I found that he was already staring at me, he gave me a smirk before he brought an arm around my waist and pulled me towards him.

After some moments later, we both sat down across each other at the table and ordered. We had easy conversation and a lot of laughs, I couldn't help but wonder if these type of moments would come often. We've been through a lot since we were married… and I couldn't help but wonder if we'd ever fall in love with each other and actually live a happy life.

Thinking that, I suddenly frowned. And I had a quick flashback. My dreams, my father, Heero and Sylvia, Trowa, my band, my freedom, and independence. Some of the things I've always wanted were lost in this relationship and I wondered…if I could ever have both. I wanted to fall in love with the man sitting next to me and retain my own life at the same time.

"What's wrong?" His voice brought me back to reality and his warm and big hand rested gently against my own. Pulling on a quick smile, I told him nothing was wrong. I didn't want anything to ruin this night.

Our meal came and we talked quietly in the midst of other couples. Music pulled itself into the air suddenly and I watched other couples dance. I looked at Heero and asked, "Do you want to dance?"

He chuckled than. "Isn't the gentleman suppose to ask the lady that?"

I grinned and shrugged. "You might not be a gentleman. And we're in the 21st century here; a lady can ask a guy to dance, can't she?"

He smiled and took my hand. We both walked onto the dance floor and started swaying to the soft music. It felt comfortable to be in the circle of his arms and it felt just as right to have my arms around his neck.

We danced twice and suddenly something clutched onto me. "Relena?" I vaguely heard my name called out. Something clenched within me, something that boiled pain within my body.

I whispered my husband's name and suddenly I felt so cold. I collapsed to the ground and something held onto me, I'm not sure what. I remember being shaken and I struggled to cling onto consciousness.

Next thing I knew, I was on something that seemed like a stretcher and I could see Heero's face through blurred eyes. "Heero…" I reached towards him and our fingers brushed.

He seemed to be saying something that I could not hear. As I felt more pain boil inside of me, I wanted to slip into darkness where I could not feel this pain. Something dry pressed against my face and I suddenly realized I was bleeding.

"Hang on, Relena." That's the only thing I kept hearing from his voice.

I couldn't help but wonder why I was suddenly bleeding. Had I been shot? The last thing I felt was Heero's fingers lacing mines and clenching them in his hands. I woke up on and off in the ambulance and searched for only Heero.

While being pulled through the long halls of the hospital, I saw his face. I tried to reach for his hands and suddenly he seemed to disappear.

It hurt so bad.

---

Author's Notes: REVIEW PLEASE!


	11. One More Chance

Where I Can Say

**Author's Notes:** My bad for the HUGE delay. But I'm going to start trying to update my stories, promise. Anyways notice that I've been changing my pen name a lot? OH and from now on, it's going to be a 3rd person point of view. I've always been better at writing stories that way then from the first person.

**Disclaimer: **Characters are not mine.

The darkness cradled her and she relished in the sweet bliss. In that darkness she could feel nothing, hear nothing, and do nothing but dream. But her dreams were far from reality.

She dreamt of dark midnight blue eyes staring at her beneath a starry night. Strong arms that had nothing but a gentle touch as they wrapped around her. All she could feel was the butterflies fluttering in her stomach and the tingly feeling shocking her up and down her body. The large blanket of warmth around her surged nothing but happiness as she smiled up at the man.

"Heero…," she said.

"The poison from her incident has taken affect. We have given her antibiotics to wash it out of her system. She'll come out of it soon and be better in no time, Mr. Yuy." The man in the white lab jacket told him with a smile.

He smiled back and gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you." Heero said. After the doctor left, Heero opened the door to the room where Relena was currently resting. He decided to glue himself in the plastic chair beside her and held her hand. He watched her sleeping form warily.

Suddenly as he kept blinking, everything became fuzzy. He was so tired. He sighed and laid his head beside her hand. He was just going to rest his eyes for just a minute….

It was well after a minute and the sun started to rise. The nurses came in and out to check on the patient but never dared to bother the man sitting on the chair. And Relena awoke quietly.

She sighed, feeling drained of energy, all she wanted to do was sleep. That's when she noticed a mop of chocolate locks near her hand. Smiling at her husband's sleeping form, she stayed awake. Relena's hand reached out to touch the locks to find them surprisingly soft and silky. She stroked his hair with a smile as the sun clung to her.

He awoke not a moment more. "Relena?" He asked groggily. Relena laughed and pulled her fingers out of his hair.

"Good morning." She said hoarsely with a soft smile.

"They said it was the poison. The doctors said that you can leave tomorrow night and that you'll be okay." Heero told her as he reached for her hand and entwined their fingers together.

Relena stared at their enjoined hands. His skin was much darker in comparison to hers. They were large with long fingers, a white gold band glinted in the harsh lights at her. Her hand was small and pale, long flexible fingers. The diamond engagement ring and the wedding band against the silk of her skin seemed beautiful. She had never noticed that sight.

Her eyes traveled up Heero's arm where she could tell that strong muscles laid to his face. He was handsome and suddenly, Relena could tell why every girl wanted him. His eyes were a storm itself and his messy hair allured any woman.

'But this man…has taken everything away from you', her mind said. She's lost her band, her house, her life, for this one man.

Surely a man could not be worth all those things?

And yet, as Relena laid there in a stark white hospital room bed with her hand intertwined with her husband's, she found it that she could no longer hate this man.

His tired eyes with their dark bags under them showed pain and sorrow. Relena knew he was sorry for all the things he's done to her. And she found herself able to forgive him. But Relena found herself wondering if she would ever be able to tell him that.

And Relena Peacecraft-Yuy could not understand exactly why she could no longer hate her husband who has stripped her of her happy life.

Exactly…what has happened?

------

Relena returned home with Heero the next day. They barely said a word to each other and in truth, what could they say? Relena stayed trapped in her own world within her head, trying to untangle the strings of her thoughts. Heero, on the other hand, coped with how badly their marriage has turned out.

Maybe it was better to get a divorce, Heero thought. He was suffering and he knew that Relena was suffering as well. Without this marriage, they'd both be happy.

A few days later Heero was in his study, typing away furiously on his computer on a report. He was drowning himself in work, trying to stray his mind away from Relena and the marriage…and the lack of love. Heero found himself drowning himself in work more often since the marriage every time he was unhappy.

He had stopped typing momentarily when Relena knocked on the door. She was clad in shorts and a simple white tank top, her hair was up in a pony tail and she stood at the doorframe waiting for his invitation.

Relena walked in and sat down never letting her eyes off Heero. "Will you come sit with me, Heero?" She asked. Heero pulled away from his desk and took slow strides towards her. He sat down beside her on the couch and they both stared at each other for a long time in silence.

Her head was spinning with thoughts. The past few days, she has noticed that she never gave this marriage a fair chance. Since her incident, she has found that she was losing herself. So lost in her depression that her identity had been stripped away. Relena wanted herself back. And old Relena wouldn't want to give up on this marriage. She knew that in a sense, she had been wrong.

Relena's small hand darted out and softly touched Heero's. Heero had instantly turned his hand over and laced their fingers together. He sat in silence and watched as emotions flickered through his wife's eyes. He wondered what she was thinking.

"When we first got married, I hated you. I didn't give you a chance at all to really prove to me that you weren't a player like all those magazines said. I was just…unhappy that you took so many things away from me. After…that night I started to hate myself. I felt that I hadn't been good enough for you. I was still upset that you tore my life apart and left me with nothing. But now…I know what to do."

Heero's heart lurched. He felt like he was suffocating, he could feel something bad coming along. He had a bad taste in his mouth and without knowing it, he had tightened his hold on Relena's hand.

Relena took a deep breath, trying to sort her thoughts out. "I would like it…if we gave this marriage a shot. A real shot. Let's forget all the things that have happened so far and start all new. I want us to try to…get into a comfortable place with each other. I don't know…maybe we can become close friends or even a couple. Lately I realized that I don't hate you anymore. And I hope that maybe eventually…I could love you."

She hadn't been looking at him as she said these things. At that moment, Relena decided to look up at him.

A small smile stretched across Heero's face and he gently pulled her to him. His arms wrapped around her form. Relena felt warm…and safe. She closed her eyes and buried her face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Yes, she would try to love him. And maybe…just maybe he could love her back someday too.

"I would also like it…if maybe I didn't stay at home all the time." She told him and Heero laughed. He nodded and buried his face into her hair where she smelled of roses and jasmines.

-----------

Relena stood nervously in front of the mirror with a dress in hand. It was the only dress she owned. Relena bit her lip again and turned around. She hadn't worn it in years, three to be exact. She bought the dress to attend a function and she had found that if she had at least one black dress, she'd be set for life.

Now Relena wasn't so sure. Relena would be going on her very first date with her husband. Strange, Relena thought, that she was dating someone after she's married them. Relena let out a nervous laugh and turned around. She then realized that wearing such an elegant dress would be a little too much for the movies. Sighing, she moved back into the closet.

She finally decided on a pair of jeans and her favorite black off shoulder shirt. The pair of jeans hung low off her hips and clung tightly to her slim thighs. The shirt was a solid black with two red ribbons at the end that ruffled it a little. It covered only one of her collarbone and was sleeveless. It clung in all the right places and Relena finally decided it was perfect.

It was almost five Relena realized as she quickly slipped on her heels. Her hair was left down, slightly curled at the ends. Her make up was almost non-existent and the blue eyeshadow was sheer.

Relena met Heero outside where he was waiting for her. He was leaning against the car door and when she came outside after grabbing her purse, he smiled at her. Heero opened the door for her and after she slipped in, he went to his own side and drove off.

Author's Notes: Alright, long time I know. Review and for those wondering what's going to happen in the next chapter I'll tell you: Their date! And Relena is starting to write a new song…but for what? You'll see! So review!

By the way, I need song suggestions so send them in with your review! Thankx!


	12. The Letter That Destroyed

**Where I Can Say**

**Author's Notes: **Well like I've been trying to do with all my other stories, I've been trying to update as much as I can. Often times the more you review, the fast I update! So keep those reviews coming! I'm very upset and disappointed that I only got 2 reviews from my last chapter. Oh and make sure you give me suggestions of songs!

**Disclaimer:** Character's not mine but the plot line is.

**.:Beginning:.**

She stood in line next to Heero, excited and grinning. They looked like a normal couple and just normal people, she had been happy that there were no tabloids around to snap their pictures. They stood in line behind twenty or so other people, like normal people. And Relena loved it.

"I can't believe you're gonna watch this movie with me, Heero!"

On the car ride there, Heero had asked her what movie she wanted to see. He had been expecting a chick flick and had almost been sure of it. He was dreading it but he would endure it if his wife had asked him to.

Imagine his surprise when he found out that she wanted to see the new Spiderman movie. He had been so surprised in fact, Heero had jerked the wheel of the car and almost caused an accident.

Heero paid for the two tickets in cash and with Relena's arm laced through his, they made their way to the snack stand. "Do you want anything, Relena?" He asked her after he purchased a large basket of popcorn. He caught her bending down, looking at the displays of candy.

She smiled at him and pointed to the box of gummi bears. Relena carried her candies while Heero carried the popcorn as they made their way to the room.

Relena didn't like popcorn, Heero was told half way through the movie when he noticed she didn't eat any of it.

"Why?" He whispered.

"When I got my braces off when I was like seventeen, I had gotten so used to the rules that I stopped eating it all together. Including gum." She whispered back, taking another gummi bear into her mouth.

Towards the middle, all the food had been devoured. Relena sat next to him with her eyes glued to the screen in front of her. Heero kept taking quick glances at her from the corner of his eye. His fingers twitched.

'Make your move on her already!' His mind ordered.

Heero had never been this nervous on a date before, probably because this wasn't exactly a normal date. His normal dates consisted of a private sit in to a movie, a five star expensive restaurant and hotel, a VIP spot in a club…anything but what the rest of the world did.

Heero watched as his arm lifted from the arm rest slowly and extend to slowly place itself gently on Relena's shoulders. Heero's fingers wound about her shoulder joint. Relena turned around and looked at him. Heero took a chance and tugged gently at her shoulder, pulling her to him. Against his shirt, he could feel her smile as she rested her head against his shoulder.

They stayed like that throughout the movie.

And he had caught tears streaming down her eyes. "I'm fine, really. It's just it's so sad!" Relena whispered. She laughed quietly, "Whenever I watch a movie and I see a sad moment, I always cry." She sniffled and buried herself deeper into his strong scent that just screamed IT'S HEERO!

They both loved the intimacy.

**.:After the Movies:.**

Heero focused on the road and drove with a destination in mind. He was about to turn left when Relena's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Take a left."

Heero followed her directions until he pulled up to a beach. He had been planning on taking her to a fancy restaurant…

"Come on!" She said as she climbed out of the car, buzzing with energy. Heero rushed out after her after he stopped the engine. The last time he had been to a beach was at a summer party during college.

Relena quickly pulled off her heels and held them in her right hand. In a heartbeat, she ran halfway down the beach. She turned around and noticed that he stood there, simply watching.

Relena frowned and made her way back to her husband. She reached for his hand and tugged. "Come on, have some fun with me." She had managed to drag him into the sand, with his shoes and slacks. The sun was setting and Relena ran towards the water with Heero in tow. She laughed and squealed before she noticed her stoic husband with a scowl on his face.

She didn't want to leave so she decided that she would make him have some fun. So Relena splashed him and dots of water hit his shirt and slacks. He grinned and pulled off his shoes and socks and ran into the water with her.

She took off as fast as her legs could take her with all the water sprinkling behind her. After a while, they were both out of breath and the sun had completely gone.

Heero caught her and wrapped his arms around her waist, staring into her eyes that reminded him of the sea. She still had this glow on her face and a wide smile. They had both gotten very wet.

Their harbored breaths were all the things they would hear as they stood closely to each other. The faint sounds of the seagulls and the waves seemed so far away although they were standing in the ocean.

Heero's eyes slipped down to her lips which seemed to pout and had grown a light glossy pink from the laughter and the water. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright against the dimming light.

He brought his head closer and she simply stood still. His fingers pressed against her lower back just slightly to draw her closer to him.

Their lips met and Relena closed her eyes and titled her head. Her hands reached up to his shoulders and felt the softness of his lips against hers. She responded.

It was their real first kiss.

**.:Home:.**

They both got home, both shivering and cold. They took their showers and got out. Relena was patting her hair with a towel when Heero received a phone call and took it in the office.

She walked down the hall and suddenly noticed an envelope on the table. Relena picked it up and realized it was for her. She took it back with her to their bedroom and put it at her nightstand.

They both hadn't eaten and so Heero had requested that the chief cook them a dinner. Relena smiled at Heero when he joined her at the top of the stairs. She felt nervous, would they kiss again? Would they be intimate as much as they had been at the beach and the movies?

All her questions disappeared when he gently grasped her hand. They walked down the grand staircase and enjoyed each other's company in silence.

They had been eating in silence until Heero decided to start a conversation. "So…what college did you go to?"

"Boston University. You?"

And it continued with rather…polite conversations. Relena shifted in her seat and decided to ask, "What have you liked most about your life?"

He looked at her as if she had three heads. She laughed nervously, "I mean I know that it's an odd question but…to me there's always a memory or something that a person has that they enjoy the most in their lives. I'm just curious." She explained.

Heero thought for a long moment before he replied, "I loved being a kid."

Relena looked at him thoughtfully, waiting for him to continue.

"When I was a kid, all I did was think about me. I didn't think about the people in the world who wanted money or power, or whatever my father wanted me to do. It was nice, to live in a life without having to be tainted by the rest of the world. What's yours?"

Relena smiled. It was always an easy question for her. "Laughing, plain and simple. I love it when people make me laugh because it's my true happiness. I mean when you laugh, you're happy. And when I laugh I don't think about the rest of the world, I just focus on the moment. I completely forget my past and stop worrying about the future. I just live in that moment when I laugh, and I love that."

"Is it easy to make you laugh?"

Relena laughed, "Terribly too simple!"

"I've never made you laugh." Heero pointed out. Relena laughed once again.

"Because you, my husband have no real sense of humor."

"Then why had I been able to make you laugh just then?" Heero asked.

"Well it doesn't have to be a joke. Sometimes just seeing someone look at my funny is enough to make me laugh. Or someone just has to do say something stupid."

"So you're saying I look funny and talk funny?"

"Your face IS funny, but your innocence on the matter is always humorous." Relena replied.

"I'll write it down on my To-Do List: Get a sense of humor."

"Or you always pay someone to get you one, like Duo!"

At this, Heero scowled. "All his jokes are annoying. His very being is annoying." Relena smiled and made a disapproving sound.

"That was mean! And you only find them annoying because like I said, you don't have a sense of humor!"

At the conversation went uphill from then.

**.:Bed:.**

Relena was going to have to sleep alone in a big bed alone for a couple of hours as Heero received another phone call.

It was when she was about to turn off her lamp did she realize that the letter was still there. There was no return address.

Relena opened it curiously and read it. Her fingers trembled and tears welled up in her eyes. Her lip trembled and her mind went numb. Without knowing it, her fingers had let the small thin paper drop from her fingers onto the silky blue comforter.

It was a letter from Trowa.

**Author's Notes:** Yay! Another cliff hanger! As always review and don't forget to mention SONG SUGGESTIONS!


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